Our identities can come from so many different things — but the names we have are huge for many.

If your mother asked you to change how you spell your name, would you do it, or would you insist on spelling your name the way you’ve always spelled it?

One Redditor’s mother’s really wants her to change how she spells her name, but she is attached to her name and doesn’t want to change anything about it.

Read this story to learn more about this unorthodox request.

AITA for stealing my dead sister’s name?

I (19F) have been having an ongoing argument with my mother since I was about 15.

Out of the blue, she asked me to change the spelling of my name.

Now, I have one of those names that already can be spelled several ways, so it’s a rare occasion people spell it correctly.

But the OP deeply relates to her name.

But it’s a point of pride for me when they do, because that name feels like it really belongs to me.

So, changing the spelling out of the blue was a bit jarring and uncomfortable for me.

It may not seem like a big deal, but at 15, I was really struggling with my identity, and I felt like my name was the only reliable part of myself.

However, the mother has deep reasoning for this.

My mother claimed to want me to change my name spelling because she’s super spiritual and had gotten into this belief system that equates the letters in your name to the amount of success you will have in life.

I understood where she was coming from, but I was still frustrated because if she wanted my name a certain way, she should have just had it that way 15 years ago.

Communicating with the OP’s mom was not an option.

One time, I tried to voice my concerns to her with a long text pouring out my feelings while she was overseas, but she dismissed me and called me saying my text ruined her vacation.

Eventually, we came to a compromise that I only needed to put this name on school-related things.

However, recently, she’s been doing things like changing my name on Netflix profiles, editing my name on social media, and even going so far as altering my signature on my art.

Then, the reason slipped. And you’ll never guess what it is.

This has really been bothering me, so I went to her about it, and she hit me with a bombshell as to why she’d been doing all this.

A while ago, I was told that my mother had a child before me, but she was premature and passed away shortly after she was born. My mom got pregnant with me not long after.

However, the strange part was not only did she have me so soon, but she gave me the exact same name as her previous child.

And what was different? Just one thing.

The only thing she changed? The spelling.

I had always been a bit insecure since learning this information, as deep down I felt like a replacement child.

But now, my mother is angry at me for having the same name as her other child.

I really don’t think she ever stopped mourning her—and I can’t blame her, of course—but it’s been negatively impacting everyone around her.

But now, the OP’s mother has gotten much more direct.

Anyways, whenever I ask her about our deal, she goes back and says, “that’s your sister’s name, not yours.”

I’m unsure why this is something that only started bothering her when I was 15 and something she only voiced when I was 19, but it’s a nonstop reminder now.

And while she wants to involve her father, she’s not sure how.

I tried to voice this concern with my dad, but I don’t know how to explain it without sounding like a jerk — “hey, can you tell mom to stop comparing me to a dead baby?”

Deep down, I probably am overthinking things and should just go along with what she says, but I still want to take charge of my own life.

My name never belonged to me, but I wanted to make it my own.

My parents think it’s disrespectful, but my younger sibling (17) thinks me having to change anything is ridiculous.

AITA?

Is this woman’s mother out of line? Let’s read the comments below to see Reddit’s opinion on the matter.

Redditors agreed the OP’s mother is “in dire need of therapy.”

They also said that the parents have no room to complain.

People noted the mother’s behavior seemed like a red flag.

And others who have gone through this exact scenario weighed in.

People noted the hypocrisy.

And one Redditor left a valuable nugget of wisdom.

This mother has done something very harmful. Hopefully, she seeks help.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.