Love them or hate them, surprise parties are an enduring tradition. And we all know, the surprise can easily be ruined if everyone’s not on board.

Like in this story, when one friend can’t show up until later… but does that nullify her attendance altogether?

Let’s pop in to this party.

AITA for not attending my friend’s surprise birthday party

My friend (f19) just had her birthday and her boyfriend (m21) planned the surprise party.

I (f18) had a date scheduled with a guy I have liked for a really long time on that day.

I let my friends involved in the planning know that I have a date scheduled and that I will be attending the party a bit later than others.

Everyone had said that it was alright. I DID let them know beforehand that I will be late. I DID excuse myself.

Sounds like everybody’s on the same page.

But… something tells me there’s a twist in this chapter.

During my date, I received a lengthy text message from a friend that was present at the party, and basically it was her (and supposedly the collective) calling me out and claiming that I have messed up.

I asked what she meant by that and she proceeded to explain that I prioritised this guy I liked over my friend and she was basically undermining the relationship I had with him.

Hm. I mean, if everybody agreed this was fine beforehand, seems wrong to go back on that. But maybe we don’t have all the info?

It felt like everyone was ganging up on me in that text.

Even after that hurtful text message, I put my pride aside and I still showed face at her birthday party.

I had to cut my date short. upon arrival, I went straight to the birthday girl, gave her a big hug and wished her the happiest birthday.

I then proceeded to ask if we could speak, she said no and that we’ll speak tomorrow.

I said that’s okay.

Yeah, it’s her party, she won’t cry if she doesn’t want to. How’s OP gonna approach the texter?

I then spoke with the friend that sent me the hurtful paragraph and I asked her to explain the thought process behind it.

She explained that I made the birthday girl feel like a second option and that I should’ve started with the birthday party then went to my date then come back to the party.

Oh, yeah. Why didn’t OP do that?

I explained to her that that would’ve been impossible.

I don’t have the money or resources for that trip (the distance between where the party was held and where my date was planned was a 20 minute drive).

Ahhh. I see. But was there no other solution?

She said that a friend attending the party could’ve driven me. If that option was presented to me in the beginning, I would’ve taken it, but it wasn’t.

I didn’t want to go to the party with no idea of how I’d be able to get to my date. I once again explained that I DID let numerous people know that I will be late and that I don’t understand why I’m being targeted.

Yeah, seems like celebrating the birthday girl should be the priority here.

I would understand if my friends had said, “Hey, I think you should reschedule your date to another time, I think (birthday girl’s name) would appreciate it if you were there,” when I told them that I had something planned.

But everyone said it was alright and that I should enjoy myself.

Mixed signals, everybody. How does the birthday girl feel?

The following day, I sent the birthday girl a text message, apologising. I stated that I did not intend to hurt her in anyway.

She replied saying that it’s okay and that this was a reflection of how much I valued our friendship. I once again apologised for upsetting her.

AITA?

Uh, is that sincere or passive aggressive? What’s up with these wishy-washy friends?

Let’s investigate the comments for answers.

This person says, sorry is enough.

Another person says, all feelings are valid.

Someone else says, can’t please everyone.

Someone else suggests choosing better friends.

This person says, everybody should grow up.

Surprise! I missed your party.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.