Throwing parties is not always cause for celebration… planning and prep can be stressful and divisive.

Like in this story, when a couple realizes they are on different pages when it comes to hosting. Especially when it’s time to clean up.

Let’s party on with this one…

AITA for confronting my bf/co-host to help clean post-party?

My bf Ryan (28M) of 9 months and I (26F) hosted a graduation party for two of our friends John and Sue at his condo’s conference room.

We’ve thrown parties there before, some of which he hosted himself. I always checked with him first, including this time.

We split costs evenly, planned for weeks, and he even sent out the invites. I handled most setup (he helped with balloons when we ran late).

So far, sounds like normal party prep. What’s the hitch?

Otherwise he was building his company website.

10/11pm there was just John and another guest (Chris). Ryan was asleep. Woke him up so we could start cleaning. He said he’ll help but needs a quick nap first.

I did some cleaning. At this point it was super late and I have work early next morning. Tried waking him, he didn’t budge.

John and Chris ended up helping me.

At least someone was around to help. Will Ryan awaken and feel guilty?

Ryan immediately got up when they left. I told him I didn’t appreciate him not helping me clean up.

He said he did enough by buying “pointless” decorations he didn’t even want and don’t even like our guests/friends (despite attending their events).

Says, “I didn’t even want this party in the first place. I hate parties. They are too much work.”

Weird time to bring that up, my man. How’s OP gonna deal?

He said he’s saying all of this now because I “gave him lip about the cleaning.”

I asked why he didn’t speak up sooner when we were planning??

He “wanted to be nice.”

I told him okay on not helping with taking down decorations since I wanted those, but he still should’ve helped with cleaning up the trash and putting away food as that’s basic hosting responsibility.

Rational argument. Will Ryan get on board?

Then he calls me disrespectful for my attitude. “What do you bring to the table for this relationship? Do you have $55,000?”

I asked what that had to do with anything. He kept repeating the question several times, I gave the same response every time.

I mean, bizarre direction for this conversation to take… but will Ryan recant?

Finally he said because he paid that to own his condo so he’s contributed towards the party with that and paid his share of the party stuff and asked again what I bring to the table in our relationship.

How is that relevant to this conversation? I haven’t moved in with him yet and he’s owned that condo for 2 years.

I cook for us, I sometimes make board games with him for his future game company, I spend quality time with him, take care of him when he’s sick, gifts when I can afford, emotional support, etc.

Making board games? Above and beyond. Does Ryan only value financial contributions?

I also mentioned I’d be paying rent to him when I move in. He responded “not for awhile,” which is true.

But he was the one who offered to let me stay rent-free temporarily until my contract job signs me on permanently!

Make up your mind, bro.

He just says, “OK. I just wanted to see how you viewed yourself bringing something to the table in this relationship. Most people don’t think they do.”

He did eventually helped with the last bit of cleanup left. I originally planned to spend the night at his condo, but I went home instead.

Yeah, Ryan didn’t exactly set a cuddly mood.

What do the comments think here?

This person says, RUN.

Someone else says, uh, what does HE bring to the table?

Another poster says, raise the bar, girl.

Someone else suggests that he turned the tables in a bad way.

Someone else says, you shoulda left him the mess.

Cleanup on aisle mine.

If you liked that post, check out this one about an employee that got revenge on HR when they refused to reimburse his travel.