Balancing family expectations with professional responsibilities can be challenging.

This woman invited her family to a gig she and her partner will be participating in in October.

She explained to them, however, that they would be very busy the week before the event.

Her parents planned to visit, but their preferred schedule was exactly the dates she isn’t available.

So, she reminded them that they might not be able to entertain them, and her mother reacted negatively.

Check out the full story below for all the details.

AITA for telling my mother that I won’t see them if they come to visit us on holiday.

I (30F) and my partner (27NB) are professional musicians.

On October 25, we have a gig that’s an all-day type festival thing.

This is the first gig that my parents had a chance of actually attending.

And with my sister having recently finished high school, we queried if they wanted to come see it.

This was posed back in May when our gig was confirmed.

This woman and her partner are not available to see visitors days leading up to the gig.

Back then, we stressed to them that the week leading up to the event would be stressful for us.

Those dates aren’t dates that we are available.

It is important to know that my partner has chronic fatigue.

We plan meticulously around that to ensure that they can keep their professional commitments and promises.

She found out that her mom was looking into flying from October 22 to 26.

My mother and I spoke yesterday, July 29.

She said they were interested in booking October 22 to 26 and were currently looking at plane tickets to do so.

My heart immediately sank.

Because my mother is very intense on the “Let’s do things together,” when she is visiting.

She reminded her that they wouldn’t be available then.

I reminded her of the previous conversation and the chronic fatigue.

As well as being busy with rehearsals and final preparations/checks on those days.

That includes packing vans, ensuring all instruments and tech are perfectly set up, and organising our merch for the gig.

She reacted negatively, exactly how I knew she would.

But her mom insisted that they could do activities before or after the rehearsals.

“Couldn’t we just hang out during the evening?”

“We could go out to museums before rehearsals (opposite end of where we would need to be).”

“Sightseeing, going to the beach would be relaxing, etc.”

I gently, but firmly, reiterated that we are not available those dates.

She suggested booking another date.

I suggested that they look at the dates I had discussed with my dad, October 23-29 instead.

That would give them time to land and decompress from flying

And would give us a few days after the gig to do all the things she wanted to do.

She got upset, stating that she would have to use two days of holiday instead of one.

She started complaining about how my dad doesn’t take his holiday in the summer.

So he has a lot of holiday left, but she does not.

The argument continued until her mom finally gave up.

I emphasised with her situation, but also held firm on the boundary that 22-26 are days where we are not available.

I explained that if those are the days they are coming, it would potentially be “hello” and “goodbye.”

At most it would be brunch in the mornings, but we would be unable to join any of her usual sightseeing.

She ended the call with a parting statement of “Well, maybe we just won’t come at all then.”

Now, she’s heartbroken and wondering if she was in the wrong.

This broke my heart because I really wanted them to come see our gig.

And I was really looking forward to seeing my dad.

Am I the jerk here for setting and maintaining this boundary?

Let’s read the responses of other people to this story.

This user shares their personal thoughts.

The mother doesn’t seem to get it, says this one.

This person makes a valid point.

People are siding with her.

And lastly, people are also calling out the mother.

Family visits should bring joy, not exhaustion.

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