Childhood is a fundamental time for self-development, with growing up feeling safe and secure one of the most important things to developing a healthy mind and ultimately growing into a happy adult.

But not all people are lucky enough to have a healthy upbringing with loving parents, and unfortunately they often end up paying the price long into adulthood.

And as the wife in this story found out, their loved ones are often stuck paying the price too.

Read on to find out how her husband’s upbringing has ultimately made every holiday miserable for her for the last eight years, and how she’s determined to change things now.

AITA for telling my husband that I don’t want his mother here on Thanksgiving?

I have been with my husband for eight years, and during these eight years, not once have I had a holiday with my family because his has always been a priority.

No, its not a culture thing. Its a boundary thing.

His family manipulates and guilt trips whenever he says he won’t be with them for the holidays, and he has yet to find his spine.

The one time he did “put his foot down” and tell them he wouldn’t be going, his mom invited herself to my mother’s for Thanksgiving.

And that Thanksgiving was not a success.

Well, we ended up having to leave early because my mother hates my mother-in-law and didn’t want her at our home.

Instead of seeing it for what it was, my husband wanted to leave with his mom because he “felt bad” and “didn’t want his mom spending the holiday alone”.

Yes, I realize I have a husband problem. We have talked about it several times and he recognizes that it’s an issue, but has been open about not knowing how to stop the guilt he feels from putting his foot down.

He has severe abandonment issues because his mom gave him to the state when he was six, and he stayed in foster care until his older sister got custody of him a couple of years later.

Uh-oh. And the horrible behavior didn’t stop there.

Last year I opted not to do anything for Thanksgiving, because I outright refused to go to his family’s house, and my mom wasn’t doing anything.

My husband decided to stay home with me, and his mom showed up unannounced, with a plate for herself and her son (my husband), at around 8pm.

Then on Christmas, I made a Christmas dinner for my husband, myself and my kids (his step kids, who spend Thanksgiving with their dad every year) and his mom showed up without invitation.

But this time, her mother-in-law’s rudeness hit new heights.

Not only that, she served herself food before any of the children ate, and made three separate plates to take home to her boyfriend before anyone else had touched the food.

I didn’t get anything to eat and none of us realized it until after she was gone because we were also outside sledding with the kids and she slipped out without goodbyes.

She did the same thing on my son’s birthday in April, where she left with three out of the six pizzas I bought when no one was looking.

But this year, she decided to make this Thanksgiving different.

This year we bought a new home and we will be throwing our own Thanksgiving dinner, but I have told my husband that I don’t want his mother here.

She has zero respect, and I will be eating the food I cook this year without sticky fingers pawing at and pocketing the food before anyone gets a chance to sniff a roll.

He offered a compromise of her simply bringing a dish along with her, but I told him that a green bean casserole won’t make up for her stealing all of our food.

It’s important to note that she’s well off so she doesn’t need to steal food – she simply hates cooking and her boyfriend is an alcoholic and won’t cook, but wants to be waited on by her.

Let’s see what happened when she put her foot down with her husband.

I told my husband that this year is for my mom and dad, not his mom, not his family – none of them are welcome here this Thanksgiving.

I have my kids this year for Thanksgiving, and I want to enjoy a day with my family only. If he wants to see his family, than by all means he can go by himself, but they aren’t welcome here.

He says he feels like I am kicking him out of his own home and says that he cant stop his mom from showing up randomly.

I beg to differ, but have made it clear she will be turned away at the door if she shows up. He says I am heartless and lack empathy to how this makes him look and feel.

AITA?

Giving her husband such an ultimatum in his own home doesn’t really seem fair.

But it’s no wonder that she’s had enough of her mother-in-law – who ABANDONED her husband when he was a child – showing up unannounced and taking things that don’t belong to her.

She is being unempathetic to her husband, who clearly needs her support in letting go of his toxic mother, but she’s also putting her family first – and that’s an important thing for her to do.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.

This person thought that her husband needed to step up.

While others encouraged the wife to keep putting her foot down.

Meanwhile this Redditor was empathetic about the husband’s situation, but thought he needed to be the grown-up now.

It’s no wonder that her husband is in this situation, when his mother made him feel totally unloved as a child, and gives him only breadcrumbs now.

But he needs to be supported into placing his heart elsewhere, and putting his own family before the woman who abandoned him and damaged him psychologically along the way.

It’s fair that his wife just wants a peaceful holiday season, away from the drama of her husband’s family, and this needs to be put first while he deals with his abandonment trauma.

He needs therapy.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.