For families in grief, Christmas is anything but holly or jolly.

How would you handle wanting to be with your family to collectively grieve a lost family member on Christmas, but your spouse wants to be with his side of the family?

In this story, one woman is dealing with this exact situation, and she’s not sure what to do.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for planning Christmas with my family?

We did Christmas lunch with my family last year.

Ordinarily, that would mean spending it with them this year.

This is absolutely heartbreaking.

But in March my cousin passed away suddenly and unexpectedly of brain cancer that took over her brain in the space of a single week.

She was my age almost exactly; we grew up close as sisters.

She left behind three kids similar ages to my own.

The family has been rocked by her death.

This tragedy is especially hard for the cousin’s mom.

Her mum is still heavy in the grief – my cousin was her only child.

I feel that it’s important to be together for Christmas.

Every milestone has hurt a little more: first Mother’s Day without her, first birthday without receiving a birthday text from her.

Grief during the holidays is excruciating.

I keep thinking ahead to our first Christmas without her and I know it’s gonna be hard.

So I’ve offered to host at our place and have my whole family over so we can share the grief as well as the Christmas spirit.

It’ll be bittersweet.

Big wrench in the plan.

But then I find out that my BIL is wanting to host for that side of the family.

He lives 2 hours away at the beach – it’s not a matter of popping over before/after.

And my husband apparently missed the conversations where I’d brought up the hosting Christmas thing, now saying it’s the first he’s heard, and he seems upset.

That must be extremely isolating.

I feel bad if we don’t do Christmas with his family this year just given how much it means to them (especially his mum)… but I also don’t think I could handle the day without crying, and no one there is going to understand.

AITA for wanting to spend the day with my fam for our first Christmas without my cousin?

Having to “choose” families during the holidays is already stressful enough without the added layers. Let’s see what Reddit thought about this situation.

Some assumed the worst of the husband.

Most believed the husband should have anticipated this.

One person asked some important questions.

Another dragged the MIL into it.

All agreed that she should spend Christmas with her family.

Sounds like she’ll be coming home for Christmas whether they like it or not.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.