Step-parents can be a real blessing in people’s lives. Sometimes, step-parents become just like a biological parent, but even when that doesn’t happen, it can be a real family.

What would you do if you liked your stepmom, but she got upset that you didn’t treat her exactly like a biological mom?

That is what was happening to the young man in this story, and it is driving him out of the house and causing family drama.

AITAH for not wanting to work around my stepmother’s “emotional distress” over being reminded she’s not my mom?

I (19M) don’t live with my dad and stepmother (since I was 8) anymore. But I did go home to visit a few times a month since I live with friends nearby.

Helping family in need is generally a good thing.

Back in August my stepmother had a meltdown and I was supposed to do whatever to help her through it but I didn’t want to deal with that crap.

My dad doesn’t agree with my stance and my paternal grandparents say they wish I would find some way to make this work.

What is the issue with his stepmother?

It hasn’t been great for my relationship with my dad because he thinks I need to understand his wife’s feelings.

He hasn’t wanted to spend time with me over lunch or anything so all our contact since mid August has been via texts and calls.

Yes, the background seems very important for this story.

Some background for those who need it.

My mom died from complications with her pregnancy and childbirth. The placenta abrupted after placental issues throughout her pregnancy.

This is absolutely heartbreaking.

She died 9 hours after I was born via c-section.

I spent a lot of time with my maternal relatives even though my dad wasn’t the closest with them. He saw the value in me having those relationships.

Ok, that is unusual, but it sounds like he wanted what his wife wanted.

He also gave me mom’s last name because even though they were married she kept her last name and had wanted me to have it.

Dad clearly gave it plenty of time before moving on.

He met my stepmother when I was 6. I didn’t meet her until I was 8 and they were waiting for me to get along with her and once I did they were basically married.

I never called her mom. I never saw her as a mom coming into my life.

Not all stepmoms end up taking the role of ‘real’ mom, and that is ok sometimes.

She was my stepmother which to me was she was married to my dad and helped with me but I didn’t look at her as my primary female figure.

They never implied that wasn’t okay or spoke out against it when I was a kid. We got along just fine.

The family is growing.

My dad and stepmother had my half sister when I was 13 and my half brother when I was 14.

The incident in August happened at my dad and stepmother’s house. They had a small party with both their families and some friends of their relatives.

I’m sure this was painful and difficult.

I was talking to some of my younger cousins and one of them had a friend who asked me where my mom was when my cousin told him my stepmother wasn’t my mom.

I told him my mom died when I was a baby. He asked if my stepmother was my new mom and I said no, but she was my stepmother because she married my dad.

It is the reality. Stepmom isn’t a bad thing.

My stepmother asked me why I said that. She wasn’t even a part of the conversation so I had no idea what she was talking about.

She asked why I had told him my mom died and I said because he asked me where she was.

I can see why she would want that, but you really can’t force this type of thing.

She told me I could have pointed over to her and I said it was already explained she wasn’t my mom.

She got upset and very loud. My cousin told her it was okay because everyone knew she wasn’t my mom and that my mom died when I was a baby and it was really sad.

She needs to calm down and put his best interests first.

It made her worse and she started asking why everyone had to know, why I had to still deny that for years and years she has been my mom and she’s the only one I can legitimately remember.

She asked me why I could never love her as a mother and why she was always some other, she was always less than, not a full parent, not a real mother or a mother at all in my eyes. She said it wasn’t fair.

This is really unfair to put on a child.

My dad got her into another room and asked me to follow and she was just melting down. She said I was stabbing her heart every time I talked about my mom or mentioned that she died to someone.

She tried to grab me but I backed away before she could.

Wow, this is no way to treat a child. She needs to get over it.

She was screaming, crying and overall acting not like I expected her to. She said she gave it time and never let me in on her feelings about it because she thought it was the way to get the outcome most desired.

She said she was sure once I reached a certain age I would look back and realize who was there but it never came.

I can see why she is disappointed, but come on. He is just a kid.

She told me I never got closer to her and never went to her like I should have.

She claimed I disrespected her by bringing up my mom at a party where her family were present like she (stepmother) didn’t matter and didn’t raise me.

Nobody should ask him to deny his mom.

I told her I was never going to deny my mom and it wasn’t even me who brought it up in the first place.

She said it didn’t matter because I had a chance to start acknowledging her as my mom.

This is definitely not the way to get him to accept her. She is just pushing herself even further away.

I told her I was never going to do that and she lost it even more. So I left and told her I wasn’t going to apologize for not seeing her as my mom or for talking about mom.

And I said if she was going to react like that going forward then we didn’t need to be around each other.

Maybe she is in distress, but it isn’t the kid’s responsibility to fix it.

According to my dad she’s still in “emotional distress” to quote him over what happened and is waiting for me to come to her and work it out and apologize.

He told me she was really hurt and had every right to be. He said she doesn’t deserve to have me walk out on her over the incident in question.

The stepmom needs to realize that things aren’t changing.

I told him if nothing has changed since that day in August then it’ll keep happening.

The meltdowns will come again and again and I said I am not going to change the way I talk about mom or my stepmother to stop it from happening.

Honestly, he seems very mature about it.

And I said it was never my fault she didn’t set her expectations more reasonably.

He said they weren’t unreasonable and I was just odd in how I grew up to feel about her and my mom.

Both dad and stepmom are pushing him away.

And of course he doesn’t want to see me if I won’t go over and deal with my stepmother’s outbursts by helping her. Of course that’s on me.

AITAH?

This kid is not at fault at all. While the mother’s feelings are understandable, she is just making things worse by trying to force a relationship, and the dad isn’t helping either.

Read on to see what the people in the comments say about it.

Yeah, why is she making such a big deal out of it?

It is a sad situation.

I agree with this commenter.

She is throwing a tantrum.

Dad is playing both sides.

Come on stepmom, grow up.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.