Some people couldn’t discern appropriate from insensitive gifts.

This woman found out that her fiancé’s dad wanted to regift a sweatshirt that she had given her fiancé to a recently disabled woman.

She spoke up about her objection because of how tone-deaf the gift is.

Read the full story below.

AITA for not wanting my fiancé’s dad to regift a present I gave my fiancé to a recent amputee?

I (24F) was getting ready for the morning, and my (24M) fiancé told me he needed to stop by his dad’s (56M) house on the way to go visit him at the rehabilitation hospital he is currently staying at after having a moderate stroke 2.5 weeks ago.

I asked him why, and he stated he needed to go get a sweatshirt I gifted my fiancé because his dad wanted to regift it to a (25F) girl he met at the hospital who recently became a wheelchair user after an amputation.

Fiancé moved out of his dad’s house and into an apartment with me the same week his dad had the stroke, so some of his belongings are still there.

For context, the sweatshirt is a wheelchair basketball sweatshirt from an NCAA university. I used to coach this adaptive sports team when I was a student there, and I still actively work in the disability field.

This woman spoke up about her objection to regift the sweater.

I was (A) a little offended that his dad felt like he could give away my fiancé’s sweatshirt and that my fiancé was rolling with it without asking my thoughts, and (B) mostly thought this was a really tone-deaf gift for several reasons.

I told him I was a bit offended, and it led to a small fight.

He said his dad was just being thoughtful to the girl and that he rarely wears the sweatshirt anyway.

I argued otherwise. I said that if his dad was genuinely trying to be thoughtful about her no-doubt life-changing circumstance, he would ask her directly what she needs and learn about her interests.

He has zero evidence this girl is a fan of the college on the sweatshirt;

And no reason to think she wears a size XL men’s sweatshirt when fiancé said she’s probably a size S/M;

And no idea if she is a basketball fan, let alone a wheelchair basketball fan;

And, as someone who works with individuals with disabilities of all kinds, I think it’s not a great assumption, or reminder, to gift someone a sweatshirt with wheelchair references on it so soon after an accident.

She likely does not yet identify with adaptive sports, if she ever will at all.

She thought her fiancé’s dad was a terrible gift-giver.

I told my fiancé that, as a girl the same age, I would personally rather receive something curated to my taste or helpful to my healing process.

A random guy at the hospital giving me an XL wheelchair-basketball sweatshirt from a college I may or may not like isn’t exactly a thoughtful gift.

I reminded him how his dad has a history of being a poor gift-giver. (He gave me clothes two sizes too big for Christmas, buys things for his own son at the last possible second that aren’t his taste, defaults to gift cards most of the time, etc.)

If this was a gift for someone who was a basketball fan, a fan of the college, and/or closer to a size XL, I wouldn’t be hung up on him giving it away.

Fiancé then asked me if I would give away one of my size small sweatshirts—the same kind—to give her instead??? Like… no???

So, AITA for thinking the gift is misplaced and possibly even a bit offensive?

It’s not that she wouldn’t probably express gratitude, but I think there are better ways to show he cares, instead of trying to gift his son’s clothes away, clothes that I gifted him in the first place.

Nothing says “I care” than an old, used sweatshirt.

Other people in the comments are sharing their two cents.

This user shares her thoughts.

Another one chimes in.

Here’s another valid point.

Some sound advice from this person.

And here’s an idea.

Thoughtful? Maybe.

Tone-deaf? Definitely.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.