Empathy can look different for everyone.

The woman in this story tried to comfort her mother during a difficult family situation.

But when her mom argued that her aunt’s health crisis was also taking a toll on her, she reminded her mom that her aunt was the one truly suffering, not her.

That led to an argument.

Read the full story below for all the details.

AITA for telling my mother that her sister’s cancer isn’t about her?

My mom has two sisters: an older sister and her twin.

My aunt (the twin) was diagnosed with multiple myeloma a few years ago.

And with chemo, she beat it.

However, she also has colitis, and as part of that and her age, they found cancer in her colon.

This woman’s aunt faced the possibility of going through chemo again.

A month or so ago, she had her entire large intestine removed and some lymph nodes taken for biopsy.

The biopsy came back showing there was cancer in one of her lymph nodes.

So it was looking like she was going to be going through chemo again.

Obviously, we were all upset, but everyone is rallying around her.

Her aunt’s oncologist revealed that no chemo was needed.

Yesterday, she met with her new oncologist.

He told her that based on her bloodwork and the results of the biopsy, at her age, whatever might be in one of her lymph nodes would be slow growing anyway.

He recommended four-month screening bloodwork, but no chemo.

When my mom texted me and told me, I replied that she must be so relieved.

My mom said, “We all are.”

She expressed how happy she was for her aunt, but her mom said it also takes a toll on her.

To which I replied that, of course, we all were thrilled she doesn’t have to go through chemo.

But that she is the one who would have to suffer the treatment and side effects, and she must be happy she won’t have to do that.

My mother responded that it also takes a toll on her, watching her go through treatment.

She told her mom it must be harder for her aunt.

I acknowledged that, of course, it’s hard to watch someone you love (and in my mom’s case, her twin sister) going through a rough treatment. One that makes her sick, lose her hair, and all the rest of it.

But that it’s harder on her sister since she’s the one actually going through the treatment and dealing with the toll it takes on her.

Her mom continued to argue with her.

My mom didn’t like that answer, and said I don’t understand how hard it is for her to see her sister sick.

I told her I do understand because it’s hard for all of us seeing my vibrant aunt suffering side effects.

But my aunt’s cancer isn’t about her, and our job is to be supportive instead of personalizing it.

AITA?

This is a ridiculous argument. It’s valid for her mom to be relieved. End of story.

Let’s read the responses of other people on Reddit to this story.

This person thinks her mom is simply looking for the right support.

Here’s a similar thought from this person.

Twins are connected in a special way, says this user.

Here’s another valid point.

And finally, here’s short but sensible advice.

Caring for a loved one doesn’t mean making it about you.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.