You can love your family as much as is humanly possible and still want some alone time – and as a human being, you are absolutely entitled to that time away from everyone else.

The same is true of one-on-one time with family members. Big get-togethers can be lovely, but there are times when you just want to catch up with an individual.

Good people respect that, and will be more than happy to fulfil it.

The grown-up child in the family in this story is learning too late that when it comes to their parents, this is not possible.

Read on to find out who is so determined to stand in their way.

AITA for cancelling a reservation when my family members invited themselves along?

I rarely get to spend any time one-on-one with my dad.

A while ago we stopped speaking entirely after a huge falling out on our very different personal beliefs, so for several years we had no relationship.

We’ve rekindled the relationship and put our differences aside.

I want to make up for lost time because I missed a few big events in my dad’s life in the years we weren’t talking, which I still feel guilty about.

But it’s becoming harder than ever to actually spend time together.

However, I am never able to hang out with my dad alone as my mum always wants to join us.

Lately even if my dad is just visiting my house to drop something off, she comes along and all of a sudden, what was meant to be a flying visit turns into me spontaneously hosting for the two of them for several hours. I’ve never minded but there is one thing in particular that bothers me.

One of the things my dad and I do have in common is our taste in food. My dad is a huge lover of a particular type of cuisine, as am I, which isn’t something that’s shared anywhere else in my family, nor does my partner like it.

It’s not something either of them would even try if it was the only option on the menu, they both flat out do not like it.

So they got an idea for a way to spend time with their dad.

I got a craving for a certain restaurant that specialises in this cuisine and – as I know my dad is the only one who also likes it – I asked if he wanted to join me for dinner one day. I specified, just the two of us.

He was really enthusiastic about the idea and said yes, so I asked when he was free and we got a reservation. I called him later on just to talk and he asked about how we were getting to the restaurant. That’s when he said “do you want to come with ‘us’?”

I asked, who is ‘us’? His tone then changed where he sounded more sheepish and he admitted that my mum “had FOMO” and would be joining us.

I told him I only made the reservation for two people and asked what she was meant to be eating because she did not like the food that this restaurant specialises in.

Let’s see how their dad responded to that.

He told me that I’d better change the reservation and that he’s not going to explain to her that this was just meant to be a thing for the two of us.

I got upset at this. My mother has a track record of taking things very personally when they do not involve her.

It’s a trait that a lot of her side of the family shares. They tend to get upset first and then not want to hear out why they’re not included in something.

Historically she’s always tended to have big reactions, shuts down conversation, and goes into a very bad mood for several days after. This is why my dad tries to avoid confrontation with her and I’m the one always expected to fold to benefit her but I’m getting really tired of it.

And this really wasn’t the first time that they’d fallen foul of their mom’s negative attitude.

A similar thing happened a few years ago when I found a new restaurant a few towns over did the same kind of food.

I called at the time to ask my dad if he ever wanted to go and, again, he agreed at first but then said we can’t go because the menu was very specific so my mum wouldn’t have anything to eat.

I asked why it couldn’t just be the two of us and he said he didn’t want to upset her.

We never went. I never got to spend time with him and I’ve never had a chance to try the restaurant because I have no one else to enjoy this food with.

So, as always, they found themselves having to bend to their mother’s tantrums.

I’ll admit, I reacted emotionally yesterday and got really upset, but I still went ahead and changed the reservation to include both my mum and my partner, even though I know neither of them would like any of the food there.

I’ve slept on it and I’m not as emotional today, but this has soured the whole experience for me.

My mum was up late last night sending our group chat the restaurant’s set menu option which is multiple courses (another thing that this wasn’t supposed to be) and has very limited options.

At this point I don’t want to do this dinner at all anymore.

So they decided to take action.

I text everyone privately this morning to let them know that I was going to be cancelling the reservation. I explained that I only wanted a small catch up dinner with my dad because I got a food craving for something we both like.

I explained this was now turning into a big family meal which it was never supposed to be, and I’m not on board for that kind of thing. My dad has responded to say that we can reschedule for just the two of us but that he’ll check my mom’s schedule and see when she’s busy so that she doesn’t have to find out.

Truthfully, if I’m sneaking around and keeping secrets, then I’d rather not make any plans at all, as I’d never be able to fully enjoy it without feeling guilty.

Aside from this, the other responses I’ve had to cancelling and my reasons why have been generally negative and insinuating that I’m overreacting and telling me to call back up to re-book.

And all of this left them more than a little conflicted.

Before anyone asks, me and my mum hang out alone together all the time – and it’s always initiated by me asking her if she wants to do something.

We spend entire afternoons or evenings together, and I often just drop in at her house when I get the opportunity to. If we’re not hanging out then I am always calling her just to check how she’s doing.

I put in a lot of effort with my mum, and I don’t feel like it should be a big ask that I just want to hang out with my dad like that once in a while too.

AITA?

There is one key player here that is making everything unpleasant for everyone else, and that is this person’s mom.

Sure the dad is an issue too, for not standing up to his wife, but it’s ridiculous that everything has to be determined by what she wants.

She’s needy, and she’s making everything about her – and that really isn’t fair.

Let’s see what Redditors made of this.

This person thought that both parents were in the wrong here.

While others called out the mom’s unsavory behaviour.

Meanwhile, this Redditor suggested a way forward.

It’s so unfair that they’re having to schedule dinner when mom is busy to save themselves from her manipulation and guilt-tripping, and it all suggests that she’s either insecure or determined to control her family.

She doesn’t even like the food served at the restaurant, but she’s adamant that she needs to be there?

It’s incredibly controlling of her, implying that her family cannot have fun without her.

And that’s really unreasonable.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.