Holidays with families can be tough, though without them can be even worse.

What would you do if your family didn’t respect your grief following your partner’s passing? Especially around the holidays? One woman recently sought reassurance on exactly this on Reddit. Here’s what went down.

AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas with my family?

I lost my partner 7 weeks ago and I have been an absolute mess, depressed, angry, and not the person I used to be.

When it happened, my mother flew out to support me.

However, during her time she would try to reduce my pain by constantly reminding me of the negative things my partner used to do.

Yikes, not the time mom.

I didn’t want to hear the negative things because my partner was dead.

I just wanted to grieve.

I asked my mother to just sit and listen… but said she doesn’t want to be a “wallflower”.

There are certain perks to being a wallflower.

My parents call often, and some days are okay, but most of the time its me having to assert boundaries and tell them that what they are saying isn’t useful.

Grief is hard and it has changed me.

I am not my happy usual self anymore.

Understandably so, it’s only been seven weeks.

I don’t want to go spend Christmas with my family because of how angry, sensitive, and hurt I have become.

My parents said I have to pay them back the money for the flight if I don’t go, which I am happy to do.

Seems like a fair compromise.

But now they are saying I don’t have ownership of grief and that I have been abusive since I lost my partner.

AITA for wanting to remove myself from Christmas with my family because grief has changed me?

My family stated that I have been “abusive” and that they are “walking on eggshells” and that I don’t have ownership of grief….

No one does, but everyone will feel it more heavily at different points.

And now they are mad that I want to not go to Christmas and have asked to pay the money back for the flight.

These people sound a little unreasonable, especially on Christmas. Let’s see if Reddit agreed.

Some were skeptical, but supportive.

Others felt the original poster was unwaveringly in the right.

One person offered advice.

Another pointed out an uncomfortable truth.

But one person offered kindness in the form of his own experience.

“Home” for the holidays looks different to everyone.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.