As families grow and kids get older, it can shift family dynamics a lot. In-laws also tend to shake things up when it comes to holidays and family gatherings.

For this woman, her family is dealing with being left out in her older brother’s family events, particularly involving her nieces and nephews.

She’s tried to remedy the situation, but things aren’t looking great. Now she isn’t sure how to move forward.

Here’s the full story…

AITA for canceling Christmas after a family fight?

I (25F) was supposed to go to my parents house for Christmas morning breakfast. My sister (32F), her husband, and her 3 kids were also going.

My brother (29M) is married with 4 kids. My parents are hosting (Mom 50, Dad 51).

Over the past year, my sister in laws family moved from about 12 hours away to 10 minutes away. Like…everyone.

Parents, siblings, grandparents all of them. Since then my brother and his wife spend a ton of time with her family.

Seems like a good thing, right?

We constantly hear about dinners, birthdays, and random get togethers at their house with her side.

Meanwhile my side of the family (me, my sister, and sometimes even my parents) are not really talked to much anymore. We’re rarely invited to things with the kids or plan get togethers anymore.

And genuinely the last time me and my fiancé stopped by their house, we both got the very distinct sense we were unwelcome and almost intruding.

I thought maybe I was being really sensitive until my fiancé brought it up as soon as we got in the car. I want to be clear I don’t resent her family time at all.

I’m glad she has support, especially since she’s a SAHM and the rest of us work. We’ve helped plenty in the past with emergencies, watching the kids, even taken PTO to help, set up for birthday parties, etc. but it’s been really helpful for them to have family who’s more available.

Feelings are clearly hurt.

Recently all of his in laws were invited to his stepdaughter’s baptism, down to her siblings spouses.

None of us were invited. We weren’t even told it was happening.

This wasn’t a one off thing. just the most recent thing where me and my sister are hurt and unlike every time I’ve talked to my sister about things like this I cannot excuse it away.

We get left on delivered a lot when try to plan things with their kids and them. We’ve ask about doing things with the kids like trick or treating together, kid friendly New Year’s plan for after Christmas stuff, etc and get 0 response.

Just straight left on delivered by both of them. I asked SEVEN TIMES for the kids’ Christmas lists and after a few lukewarm responses never got them.

It honestly feels like we have to beg to be included, and it’s exhausting. And very different than how all of us have ever been for the past 10 years.

I privately told my brother that the lack of involvement this year has been painful and that it makes it feel like our side of the family isn’t really wanted in his or kids’ lives anymore.

She wants answers.

His response was polite but tbh a super weird basically non answer. With no apology or like explanation as to why we were not invited whatsoever.

When I talked to my mom about it, she told my sister and me that we were being ridiculous and needed to “get over it,” and said stuff like “that’s just how he is.” And “he just doesn’t think about stuff like that” At that point, my sister and I were just done.

We decided we don’t want to go to Christmas morning this year. We just don’t feel like showing up and potentially having hurt feeling spilling over in front of the kids.

Let’s get into the comments.

This person understands her frustrations, but thinks her anger is misdirected.

Another person points out that it might hurt the children.

While this commenter was a bit more blunt about it.

Overall, everyone agreed she’s hurting the wrong people in the situation.

She should go to Christmas morning, even if she’s upset with her brother.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.