Family, no matter how long you’ve been together, can always bring drama. Step parents can get a bad rep, but sometimes that reputation is sadly correct.

For this woman, her step mom has been in her life since she was 8, but now that she’s an adult and having a wedding, their relationship has crumbled.

Now, she’s dealing with how her dad is handling the situation, and it’s not going well. Let’s get into it…

AITAH for addressing our holiday card only to my dad, while ignoring his wife?

I, 27 F, am an only (bio) child of my parents, who got divorced when I was 4.

They both remarried when I was 8, I gained step parents and a step brother. They had 50/50 custody, splitting between my parents’ houses.

My dad’s wife, who I’ll refer to as Nina, has been in my life for 20 years. She was always a big personality, very loud and unfiltered.

Seems like a normal family dynamic.

As a kid, she was fun and enthusiastic – but she made it pretty clear that she wanted to be a mom. She mentioned wanting to adopt a child, while at the same time fighting with my mom over me any chance she got.

My dad is very quiet and caring, but doesn’t stand a chance against his wife.

As I got older, and gained more of my own opinions and personality, Nina and I butt heads a lot. If it wasn’t her opinion or way, you were yelled at without an apology.

It wasn’t just me, it was anyone who rubbed her the other way. Once I got to college, friends started pointing out to me how poorly she talked to me and treated me, with no notice by my dad.

It’s time to talk to her dad…

I was so used to her, that I didn’t catch how uncomfortable and upset she constantly made me.

After lots of therapy, I started bringing up issues with my dad – using clear evidence of things she said in front of both of us. He’d claim he’d talked to her, but ‘that’s just how Nina is’.

It finally hit a breaking point when she screamed in my face out of nowhere at thanksgiving and I left their house and told my dad I won’t be speaking to her again, but would be civil in family settings. She never apologized.

This past year I was getting married in September, so there were a lot of conversations with my dad – the biggest being that we were not doing children at the wedding.

He said Nina was on the verge of tears because we wouldn’t invite our neighbor kids she helped take care of.

We said we didn’t want kids, he offered to pay for them, and we stayed firm we didn’t want any kids of any guests.

He understood but it obviously put a bump in the road with Nina.

We still weren’t speaking, but she couldn’t even text me a happy birthday – however she was mad I didn’t call for Mother’s Day.

She ditched my bridal shower – claiming it was due to a recent surgery but she showed up to go out to dinner the same day.

Then comes our wedding weekend. My dad couldn’t have been more excited, meanwhile she wouldn’t speak a word to us.

She’s giving the cold shoulder.

During multiple occasions where we were greeting guests next to her – she’d walk away and brood in a corner. It was too late to change our processional, so we still had her walking down the aisle.

During photos, she sat in a chair and stared at us while her name was called to join family photos. She refused to get in any – even with her side of the family.

I had a mother’s corsage made for her as an olive branch, but she gave it away to the flower girl.

We quite literally didn’t say one word to each other the entire weekend, and she embarrassed herself in front of all of our guests. My dad left her in the dust all weekend, with the biggest smile on his face.

The Tuesday after the wedding we called my dad and told him we will have nothing to do with her.

We no longer stay at my dad’s house when we visit my hometown and I only hear from him on the phone on his way home from work.

I never got any sort of apology, and now I only see my dad for a couple hours when I go home for a week (I stay with my mom, we just go out to one meal with my dad).

I also later found out she has been bad talking me, my mom and my family both at our wedding, and around our hometown.

My mom found out indirectly from people that the town knows our business, and I keep getting stories from random guests about Nina talking about me and the wedding.

My dad doesn’t know about these things since I haven’t brought them up yet.

Then, she got a little petty…

When we sent out our holiday card this year, we addressed it only to my dad. Mind you, the card included wedding photos she chose to try and sabotage.

I got a call from him saying he knew I wasn’t trying to slight her, but it hurt her feelings. I let him know it WAS to slight her and that I didn’t care.

He asked for me to address mail to the family in the future to make HIS life easier.

I am so hurt he’s still defending her (and with her tbh), but I’m also very angry and petty about it.

It’s very out of my character to be mean or rash, so I can’t tell if I’m an AH for doing anything I can to avoid her/slight her or if I should just make my dad’s life easier because I still care for him.

Let’s get into the comments.

Lots of people had advice on how to speak to her father.

This person thinks she needs to be as direct as possible.

Others were not has hopeful about a reunion.

And this person thinks she hasn’t done a thing wrong!

My advice would be treat others how they treat you!

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.