Getting a PhD is quite an accomplishment and no matter your situation, it will require a lot of hard work and dedication.

What would you do if you and your friend had gotten a PhD, but your friend was asked to give a speech about it, and her speech was all about her hard work but didn’t mention her many privileges?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, so she told her friend she should include the fact that her family is rich and has American citizenship in her speech rather than only focusing on her hard work, and now the friend is upset and saying she is just jealous.

AITA to tell my friend she is rich and American when she drafted a speech about school application?

My friend is a PhD candidate in a US school. We are Taiwanese and finished our bachelor degree in Taiwan.

This is quite an honor.

She was invited to give a speech in our undergrad uni to share her successful PhD application story.

She showed me her slides, basically all about the timeline of her good grade, how to find tutor for the TOEFL (an English proficiency exam) and GRE (a kind of test for grad schools application) exams.

Success like this takes hard work and dedication.

Basically, it’s a story about how to be diligent and it gonna make you successful.

I don’t think the story shows the whole picture: she is from a rich family.

Does she expect her to give a whole speech about how she had advantages?

For example, her parent hired professional native English teacher as her tutor since her high school, and the GRE exam she took was in Korea (the time fit better with her than the Taiwanese one, so she flight to there just for that).

Of course, she didn’t need to do any part-time job. Also, she has American citizenship, which makes the application easier compared with her target audience.

She could mention them in passing, but what would be the point?

I told her she should mention these background issues. Then she got defensive: she said her background is not everything and people should focus on her hardworking.

She said I am jealous of her because I don’t get a American PhD like her and from a poor family. (BTW, I am a UK PhD candidate, my school is not as good as hers. Also, I am from a moderate family, but maybe poor compared with her.)

She does sound jealous.

Some of our friends said my points about her background is solid, but still some of them said I belittle her accomplishment in a passive aggressive way. I don’t know.

AMTA to point out her rich family and citizenship is crucial for her academic success?

It really depends on how she phrased it. If she was just suggesting that she include points on her advantages, it is fine. If she thinks that should be the focus, then yes, she comes off as jealous.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this situation.

She does seem jealous.

I don’t think that applies in this situation.

What would be the point of this?

Yup, there is no point focusing on privilege.

I agree with this commenter.

What exactly did she want her to say in the speech?

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.