When immigrants start new lives in a different country, some of them want to leave the past behind and forge a brand new identity for themselves and their kids.

But things don’t always go as planned…

A mom wrote the story below and talked about how her family’s past caused some problems for her son in their new country.

Get all the details below and see what you think.

AITA for not explaining our family heritage to my son?

“I (mid 30s F) moved to Canada from India about 2 years ago with my husband and our son (10). He goes to a private school here and overall has adjusted pretty well, made friends, picked up the culture etc.

Most of his close friends are boys around his age who are also from Indian families or at least have Indian heritage. We never really emphasized background or labels at home. I honestly didn’t think it mattered, especially not here.

Recently though something happened that’s caused a lot of tension.

Wow…

Apparently one of the boys in his group told him he shouldn’t sit with them anymore. When my son asked why, he was told by that boy (and later confirmed by the boy’s parents apparently) that our caste is “Shudra” and that it’s not appropriate for their son to associate with him.

My son came home really upset and confused. He asked me what that meant and why I never told him.

He said he felt humiliated because everyone else seemed to understand something about him that he didn’t even know himself. He’s now angry at me for not explaining our “heritage” earlier, saying I set him up to be embarrassed in front of his friends.

She didn’t see it this way.

The thing is, I genuinely didn’t think it mattered anymore. Even back in India, in the city we lived in, it wasn’t something people around us really focused on in daily life. Our family is very educated, financially stable, and socially well integrated.

We never experienced it as something defining in our lives.

To me, it’s like how some people have last names like “Carpenter” or “Smith.” That might have meant something generations ago, but it doesn’t define what you are today. Not everyone named Carpenter is actually a carpenter.

That’s how I saw caste in our context, something outdated that didn’t need to be passed down as an identity.

But clearly, that’s not how everyone sees it. Now socially things have gotten worse for him. He said those boys have basically excluded him. A few girls in his class told him he could sit with them, and he has sometimes, but now other kids are making fun of him for “only hanging out with girls.”

Now what?

So now he feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere and he blames me for not preparing him. He got upset when I told him he already made new friends and said it is not the same as while they are nice he dislikes being associated with girls.

I feel awful seeing him go through this, but at the same time I don’t know if telling a 10 year old about caste earlier would have helped, or just burdened him with something I was trying to leave behind.

AITA for not telling him about our caste and family background sooner?”

Reddit users spoke up.

This person weighed in.

Another reader said she’s NTA.

This Reddit user weighed in.

And another individual shared their thoughts.

This mom doesn’t know what to do next…

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