Some families assume one person will always do the heavy lifting, but eventually, the load gets too heavy.

When a longtime caregiver was expected to bring her elderly mother to her daughter’s college graduation while her siblings stayed conveniently absent, she started weighing whether attending was worth it at all.

The breaking point had been building for years.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for not taking my incontinent mom to my daughter’s college graduation and not going myself

My daughter (29) will be getting her M.A. soon, and she assumed I would take my mom to her graduation.

She only gets 5 tickets and wants me (54), my mom (87), her dad, step-mom, and half-sister to attend.

But what her daughter doesn’t understand is that this is a logistical nightmare.

I told her I did not want to wheel my mom in her wheelchair across campus, up hills, for who knows how far. It’s too much.

So she called my son, whom she is inviting to view the graduation in the overflow room, and asked him to drive my mom and push the wheelchair to the graduation building.

She then wants me to push my mom to the graduation floor.

This is just one line item on a long list of caregiving responsibilities.

The main responsibility for my mom’s care has fallen on me for several years, and I’m tired of having to take her to all the family graduations, funerals, parties, and events, and wait on her while missing out on parts of the event and enjoying family.

When I do, my mom bosses me around, treats me like her nursemaid, and guilts me into doing things I don’t want to do.

This is far from a pleasant job too.

She is also incontinent, and if she spends several hours away from home, she often wets herself to the point where it soaks through her diapers, and she can’t smell herself or isn’t aware of it until I tell her.

No one else seems willing to help her with all the responsibility.

I finally recruited my siblings this last year to start taking turns taking her to dinners every other weekend, but I still have to take her to all the events, or no one will do it.

I missed my nephew’s graduation because I wanted someone to step up and take my mom, and no one did.

They’ve resorted to just straight up guilt tripping her.

I also quit going to family reunions, and my brother said, “What, you can’t give your mom a ride?”

Now I feel like I have to also miss my daughter’s graduation because even if my son drives her over there, I know I’m going to either get roped in and bossed around by my mom and not be able to enjoy the day, or I’m going to look bad and feel stressed out by not helping my mom.

Now her daughter has started guilting her too.

My daughter said I am making her choose between her mom and her grandma, but I told her that I just don’t want to be there with my mom.

I’ve tried to get the grandkids, including my kids, to also take turns taking her out, but they are too busy.

AITA if I don’t go to my daughter’s graduation because I’m just tired and worn out and want a boundary to be set so other people in the family will quit assuming that I’m going to take mom?

This woman needs a vacation.

What did Reddit have to say?

Her daughter is old enough to hear the truth.

It’s time to start expecting more from her relatives.

This woman is most definitely experiencing severe burnout.

This is the kind of stress that often falls to caregivers.

As things stand, this was more of an unpaid shift than an opportunity to be present with family.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a young woman who is thinking of walking away from parenting her 18 younger siblings for a life of her own.