She Formed a Secret Group Chat to Bypass a Rude Classmate—Until a Member Exposed the Exclusion
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Not everyone you work with needs to be part of your personal life too.
One woman learned that after finishing a competitive professional program with a group she had grown pretty close to.
The problem was one classmate who was known for being rude and brushing it off as “just being honest.”
But things got worse when another classmate left the group chat because of her, and she responded with an hour-long rant about him.
So, when someone suggested making a new chat without her for casual plans, the woman supported the idea. But not everyone thought excluding her was fair.
Read on to see what happened next.
AITAH for encouraging someone to exclude a colleague from a group chat?
I (27F) recently completed a professional development program alongside about 10 other people.
This program is competitive to get into and required a lot of time and work. I ended up getting very friendly with a number of my classmates, and we had a group chat with everyone.
After completion, one of my classmates, George (not real name), left the group chat due to the actions of another classmate, Jane (not real name). Jane is very demanding, rude, and is one of those people who says anything she thinks and defends it with, “Well, I’m just honest.”
Unfortunately, she and Jane don’t really get along.
I myself have not had positive interactions with Jane, but I share resources with her and the rest of the team.
After George left the group chat due to his own interactions with Jane, Jane went on an hour-long rant in the group chat about George, sending multiple messages with no responses. Another classmate asked her to keep things professional, and Jane got upset.
I ran into another classmate, Mary, on a project.
She and Mary had the same feelings.
Mary and I got to talking, and she expressed her frustrations with Jane, feelings that I echoed. She said she wanted to make a group chat with everyone but Jane, as she wanted to remain close to the group but doesn’t feel comfortable with Jane privately. I encouraged her to do so, as I know multiple of our classmates expressed frustration with her.
Mary made the new group chat without Jane and was blunt in her reasoning.
Another group member, Vivian, immediately piped up and said it was wrong to exclude Jane, even with her difficulties.
Vivian was adamant that everyone tried to work it out with Jane.
I messaged Vivian separately and explained my POV, but others in the group also piped up and said they were relieved to not have Jane in the group chat. But Vivian is advocating for all of us confronting Jane privately to “have a conversation.”
I feel like I’ve already tried to have conversations in the moment multiple times with Jane, and nothing has happened.
I don’t want to reach out and speak privately with her. It’s unlikely I see her in a setting that’s not professional, and this group chat was more intended for private, casual hangouts.
AITA?
Eek! It makes sense Vivian is sticking up for her, but it seems she’s way outnumbered.
Let’s look at what the folks over at Reddit think about it.
This person doesn’t see anything wrong with a new chat.
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According to this comment, she needs to avoid the drama.
This is an excellent way to handle it.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this postabout a man who thought he was staying with his brother for a month in his 1-bedroom Tokyo apartment, then got hit with a list of local hotels.
This person gets it.
There’s nothing wrong with leaving her out.
They already tried addressing her behavior, and clearly, nothing changed.
If this new group chat is for personal plans, nobody should feel forced to include someone who makes them uncomfortable.
And the good news is that they can still stay professional with Jane without pretending they want to be friends with her.
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