There is no doubt that living with roommates for the first time can be a learning curve. Because when you, often as a new student at college, move into a shared apartment with strangers, you have to learn how to act around said folk. And if you’ve only ever lived with your parents and siblings before, you’ll quickly find that the dynamic is quite different. Because suddenly you’re equals – and nobody knows how to actually deal with that situation until they’ve lived it.

At the same time you’re learning to be independent, which means that you’re figuring out how often certain chores need to be done, and almost certainly arguing about who is supposed to be doing them. You’re having to cook for yourself, which means also cleaning up after yourself, and do your own laundry too. All on top of your new studies, and trying to get to know other people. It’s a lot.

And the person in this story is more than happy to ride that learning curve, but is getting increasingly frustrating about the way his roommate is behaving.

Read on to find out why.

WIBTA If I had my roommate ask to use my kitchen utensils?

I’ve recently moved into student accommodation. We share a kitchen.

The hall I’m in has five rooms, but after a week only one other person has moved in.

So I only need to share a kitchen with one other person, which should be a boon.

I’m on friendly terms with this guy but he (and all his friends, who are from the same country) struggles to understand my accent, so it’s not the easiest to make conversation with them.

But there is a slight problem when it comes to the roommate.

The other person I’m sharing with maybe hasn’t came best prepared. They seem to only realise they’re missing items they need as they go along.

Over the past couple of days he asked to use my condiments because he was still to buy some, and later when he had some friends around, they asked to use my glasses for their drinks as they didn’t have enough.

I said yes to both, and they even shared some of the drink with me and I sat and talked with them for a bit.

I really don’t have a problem sharing if he asks.

However, some of the cultural norms are taking some getting used to.

He comes from a background where they always seem to eat together as a big group.

So even though he’s my only corridor mate so far, almost every night there’s a group of him and like 2-4 other people who don’t live here in our kitchen because he’s brought friends over to eat.

They stay and make noise till late at night, though I understand this is just a necessary compromise with communal living (and I expect it’ll die down when studies really start up).

Read on to find out how this became problematic.

Earlier on, he came in with a guy I hadn’t met before and a couple of the other friends I had met came in as I was heading to my room after finishing dinner.

I left my utensils and plates to dry on the rack after cleaning them and got in the shower.

Later on, I went to the kitchen for a drink and noticed some of my forks were gone from the rack.

I found them dousing in water next to two of his forks, in an uncleaned bowl.

Let’s see how this person felt about that.

I guess they just grabbed the first utensils they could find, but since I wasn’t asked I feel a little annoyed that some strangers had been using my stuff without asking.

I’ve met some of his friends, but they are still strangers to me really.

I suppose part of my annoyance is that he should have enough to host his guests. I understand sharing with roommates, but I don’t like the thought of some complete strangers using my stuff because my room mate is inviting people without having enough stuff for them.

Would it be wrong If I requested that my roommate ask before he or his guests use my stuff? Part of me is thinking silverware does seem like a minor thing to make a stink over.

WIBTA?

It’s not just about the silverware, it’s the fact that this person’s stuff is being used without permission.

Because honestly, the host should be more prepared if they need to use things that they don’t have when their friends come over for dinner.

And certainly if you use someone else’s stuff, it should be washed up and returned promptly.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.

This person thought the biggest issue was the fact the roommate didn’t wash the borrowed items up.

While others thought that it wasn’t worth getting annoyed about.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a community who realizes their mistake after restricting parking to residents only gets guests and delivery drivers towed.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought they should simply not leave their things in the kitchen.

Genuinely, even though some people might think that it’s not worth the effort of getting stressed about, when you’ve gone to the effort of buying your own things it can be really annoying when others take them without asking. Because you chose those things and paid for them with your own money, and now they’re being used by somebody who isn’t you – without your permission. And yes, most people would be more than happy to let their roommates borrow these things, but the truth is, it doesn’t seem like he is borrowing them while he sources his own – it seems like this is going to be a pattern through the year if it is allowed to continue.

Because the worst part isn’t that he’s borrowing items without asking, in order to cater to his friends who he doesn’t have enough stuff to host. It’s the fact that the borrowed objects aren’t being respected or properly cared for. Leaving them to fester in water within a dirty bowl isn’t caring for the objects you’ve borrowed from someone else. And this roommate needs to learn sooner rather than later if he wants to keep borrowing things that the least he could do is wash them up.