I’m not sure whether or not it’s because too many of us Gen X and Millennial parents had bad experience with babysitters of our own, but our generations are less trusting of leaving our kids with people than our parents were.

None of my kids stayed with anyone other than family until they could communicate, and sometimes even that made me nervous.

This woman has a phobia of horses that (she says in the comments) stems from being attacked by one as a child. She had to spend time in the hospital and has been (probably rightfully) uneasy around them since.

I (F29) have a ‘phobia’ of horses. I put phobia in quotation marks because phobias are irrational fears, and I don’t think my fear is irrational, but everyone else in my life keeps calling it a phobia.

I do like animals, but horses are just not it for me. I don’t like being around them, and I have no interest in petting them or riding them.

When I was around 8 years old, a horse attacked me unprovoked and nearly killed me, and I was hospitalised.

Her good friend is and always has been a “horse girl,” owning several of them as an adult.

My best friend Eliza (F29) is the opposite to me. When we were in high school, she was your stereotypical ‘horse girl’. She owns some horses of her own now and is still obsessed with horses.

I don’t interact with Eliza’s horses and never have. I respect that we can have our own interests, and Eliza and I have different things to talk about.

The friend often babysits OP’s daughter, who is the same age as the friend’s daughter, and recently took her so that OP and her partner could attend a child-free wedding.

I have a daughter Tanya (F4), and Eliza occasionally kindly volunteers to babysit for me, Eliza has her own daughter of similar age and they play together nicely.

Last week, I asked Eliza to babysit for me so me and my partner could go to my cousin’s child free wedding, and she agreed. I paid Eliza to babysit and gave her some extra money to get herself and the girls takeout.

Afterward, her daughter told her she had sat on and fed a horse. When OP asked her friend, she initially lied about it before admitting they sat on a horse together.

Well, when after I picked Tanya up and was driving home, Tanya was telling me about how she “sat on a horsey”. At first I thought Tanya was talking about a toy rocking horse, but then she told me about how she “fed the horsey some apples”.

When I got home, I called Eliza and asked if she had my daughter interact with her horses.

At first Eliza denied everything and said she didn’t know what I was talking about, but when I said Tanya told me about it, Eliza admitted she held Tanya whilst she was sat on one of her horses, and let Tanya help feed one of her horses.

OP says she’s upset that no one asked her, and that her friend is trying to blame her phobia.

Eliza went on and on about how safe it is, and that she was in complete control of the situation. That the horse was standing completely still when she held Tanya on the horse’s back.

I told Eliza that what she did was irresponsible and that doing it behind my back was unacceptable. I was so angry and uncomfortable. She said that I’m overreacting because of my phobia and said that Tanya was completely safe, and went on about how well-trained her horses are and how she knows so much about horses.

She says that she would want to be informed of any activity a sitter was doing with her daughter.

I said I didn’t care and that she should think about what she did.

My family thinks I overreacted and that I should apologise to Eliza. That I’m projecting my phobia onto my daughter.

AITA?

ETA: Eliza never wears a helmet when riding her horses so I highly doubt she put one on my daughter, I don’t think she even owns any helmets. I would’ve been okay with Tanya feeding/petting the horses, but Eliza putting her on a horse’s back made me very uncomfortable.

What does Reddit say? I’m curious to know!

The top comment says it’s the lying as much as the taking her to ride horses without telling OP first.

And this person points out that most places that do horseback riding for children require waivers because bad things certainly are possible.

Other horse people chimed in to say that OP’s phobia should not be part of the discussion.

Most responsible parents would agree with OP, it seems.

It’s the going behind OP’s back for most people.

I agree that you shouldn’t go behind the back of a friend.

That goes double if you know you’re doing something with their child that would make them uncomfortable. Ew.