Ok, so the woman involved here isn’t really in a relationship and she’s not technically dealing with her in-laws, but stay with me here.

Once you have children with someone, you’re in each other’s lives forever, for better or worse. You do have more of a choice, though, when it comes to their families.

OP met her best friend as a baby, and was the most stable person in his life after he came out as gay. His husband was a friend of theirs in college, and they all lived together for a while before the men got married.

I know this sounds absolutely insane so bear with me. I (38F) have an unusual domestic situation. My best friend for my entire life has been Adam (38M). We’ve known each other since we were babies.

Adam is gay. I was the first person he came out to and he was my roommate for a long time after his parents found out and things got ugly.

He married his husband John (39M) who was also a close college friend of ours, so we’ve all been tight for a long time.

She realized she wasn’t interested in marriage but did think she wanted to be a mother. The men wanted to be fathers, so the three of them came up with an arrangement.

I’ve decided that I’m not the marrying type, but I did want to have children and Adam and John also wanted a family, so we decided to kill two birds with one stone.

We have two sons (6, 8), both of which are biologically mine and Adam and John are each the bio father of one of the boys.

It’s worked out way better than we could ever have hoped.

They have two children, both of which OP birthed and each of whom has a different father. Now, they all live together and everyone is happy with the arrangement.

This year we decided to go in together on a bigger house and live together.

The boys are getting to the age that they could do with their own rooms and all us adults have been roommates before so we know we live well together, plus it would simplify things a lot.

The boys love us all being in the same house and it’s a good arrangement for everyone.

Her best friend has been estranged from his parents for a long time, but recently they have been working on reconciling. They all agreed they could come for a visit and to meet the boys.

Adam has been talking to his parents for the last couple of years and they are trying to repair the relationship. He has been feeling positive about it. He asked and we all agreed that they could come visit the Saturday after thanksgiving and meet the boys.

Adam had already explained the living situation. Because we always thought of the kids as all of ours and the kids call us all their parents, it didn’t really occur to me that the bio parentage would be an issue for Adam’s parents.

Things seemed to have gone well, but then she heard an argument and her friend’s mother came to ask which of the boys was biologically her grandson.

Things were ok and everyone was behaving until we put the kids to bed. I went to my room to give the others some space to talk. I heard Adam raise his voice a little, but decided not to get involved.

Not long after, his mom knocked on my door and asked to talk. It boiled down to she and her husband wanted to know which of the boys was their grandson.

They both favor me right now more than Adam and John, so it’s not obvious. I had a suspicion that something was up so I told her that she needed to talk to Adam and John about it.

They refused to answer the question because both boys are their children, so she wanted me to.

OP said she would have to talk to their son and his husband, but since then, the drama has only grown.

It turned into a really uncomfortable situation, Adam and his dad aren’t speaking, and I’ve gotten some messages from his mom trying to backtrack but also press for info at the same time.

A friend of mine said that while it was smart to not disclose without consulting Adam and John, we’re delving into AH territory by refusing to explain the bio relationships involved and it’s not wrong for the grandparents to want to know especially since John’s parents know.

They only know because they were very involved with helping us with the pregnancies and when the boys were tiny since my parents are passed on, however.

AITA?

She doesn’t think she did the wrong thing, but she is leery of all the drama.

I genuinely wonder what Reddit is going to have to say about all of this!

The top comment says the grandparents are gross and the kids shouldn’t be alone with them.

They think the grandparents are hoping to get a “do over.”

This commenter thinks grandma deserves to be uncomfortable.

Legality matters more than biology.

I think this situation sound so fun and perfect.

I hope they and their kids are able to stay happy and together for a long time to come.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parent’s 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.