Planning a wedding involves a lot of work. From picking the perfect venue and colors to deciding who will be in the wedding party, every detail needs attention.

But what if someone wanted a bigger role in your wedding than you thought they deserved? Would you let them, or would you let them down easy?

In the following story, a bride-to-be finds herself in this exact dilemma. Let’s see how she handles it.

AITA for telling my mom’s husband him acting as father of the bride is too big a role?

My mom was a single mom by choice with me. She used a (known) donor.

He has donated to my mom so she could have me (25f) and to his brother and SIL so they could have kids with the brother’s DNA still in play in some way.

I know of them but don’t know them. My donor is not my dad or my father.

He’s my biological father, sure. But he doesn’t really play any role in my life. It was just my mom and me, and my aunts and uncles and cousins.

I was 14 when my mom met her husband, 16 when he moved in with us, and 18 when they got married.

I never saw him as a parental figure, a father figure, my dad, my second parent, etc.

He was my mom’s partner/husband. He was a part of the family now.

They have mutual respect, but that’s about it.

But I only have 1 parent, and she’s an amazing one.

I never felt like I missed out on having a dad or two parents. I never needed a second person to come in and parent me.

My mom also never felt like she needed another parent for me, or a co-parent.

Even when Rick moved in with us, she still acted as my sole parent, and he was introduced as her partner and nothing more.

I had to treat him with respect and show him the same consideration I would show any family member, but she never asked me to call him dad or let him fill some role of dad.

Rick and I have an okay relationship. I’m not super close to him.

We get along fine, we can talk easily and there was only one time any tension existed between us before.

It was when I turned 20, and he called and asked if there was any fatherly stuff I ever felt I needed and if I would let him do it.

Rick decided he wanted more.

When I said no, he told me he had hoped for a different answer, and I told him I never longed for a father or felt like I was missing one.

We had to talk it out.

He did (seemingly) accept that I wasn’t interested. Now I’m not so sure.

He was present when Mom and I were looking through wedding invite samples.

She was helping me narrow it down for me and my fiancé to decide between. We had some samples written up with our wording of choice.

Rick asked why his name wasn’t on the invites. My mom told him it was because my fiancé and I were listing the parents, not the parent’s spouses.

My fiancé has divorced parents who only very recently remarried.

Still, they have different views, and here’s where it really shows.

It was after this day Rick reached out to me, and he told me he had expected he would be the father of the bride, and he told me he wanted to be.

I told him we could find him something but not father of the bride.

Rick offered to fill a more traditional father of the bride role and pay for the wedding. I told him he didn’t need to do that.

He said he wanted to and father of the bride is a big deal.

I said it is and it’s too big a role for him because he was never a parent to me.

He grunted that he was never anyone’s father, and then he told me saying it was too big for him was hurtful and insensitive when he offered.

AITA?

Wow. This is a tough situation where it’s easy to see both sides.

Let’s see what the folks over at Reddit had to say.

This person is not on Rick’s side.

According to this comment, she doesn’t owe Rick anything.

Another who doesn’t agree with Rick, but thinks he deserves at least some role.

This person plays devil’s advocate and goes the other way.

It’s her day, not his.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.