When a man stepped into the role of stepdad, he promised to respect his wife’s kids, their pace, and their late father’s memory.

But after one wedding speech—and relentless pressure from her family to become “Dad”—everything unraveled. Now he’s considering walking away from the marriage altogether. Is that the right move, or can this relationship be saved?

Read on for the story.

WIBTA if I left my wife because I feel like she and her family are ruining any chance I have to have a good relationship with my stepkids by acting like I’m their new dad?

My wife was a widow with three young kids (10 and under) when we met and her first husband had died 18 months prior.

While dating she confessed that her relationship with her first husband had been a bad one and she was ready a little sooner than her kids were for this next step in their lives. But she promised her kids were okay with her dating and a possible stepdad.

Throughout the dating period she talked about the positivity I’d bring to her kids’ lives and how happy she was that I was willing to be a good stepdad.

I feel a “but” coming on.

Her kids and I got along.

They were admittedly a little uncertain and had some reservations but I did everything to approach it as I can be a cool guy you trust and know or a family member you’re very close to or a parent (I never said dad to them ever) but the choice was theirs.

Things were moving in a positive direction until the wedding two years ago.

His wife’s wedding speech changed everything.

My wife read out a little speech she wrote to her kids in which she called me their new dad and talked about the happiness it brought her to know they were getting the best new dad any kid could ask for.

The second she said it I could feel the change in the kids.

My wife’s parents and sisters gushed over the speech and how wonderful this was for the kids.

But for the rest of the wedding my stepkids were short with me most of the time and hostile at times.

Oh dear…

The next day and the day after was the same.

The photos were extremely difficult because they resisted standing in any with me and any time I tried to talk to them about what their mom said they told me to leave them alone.

I talked to my wife and she told me the speech was meant to make the kids happy.

I told her it annoyed them and she should speak to them and try to remember how much they love their dad.

His wife’s family is not helping.

But my wife and her family are all harping on about me being the new dad and asking the kids to “get/ask/tell dad” when they mean me.

It has resulted in a major fracture in my relationship with the kids and while we used to get along they do not want me near them now and when we are around each other they glare or keep their emotional distance and any conversation I have is undone by the words their mom, grandparents and aunts use.

And when I have talked to my wife and her family they talk about how much better I am than her late husband and their late dad. That they need to forget him and embrace me.

Ugh.

But I talked to my wife’s BFF about it all early into this whole thing and she told me their relationship had been toxic (my wife and her late husband’s) but he was a wonderful father.

And it was never on him alone. They were both toxic to each other.

My wife reluctantly agreed that her late husband had loved the kids and committed to being a great dad. But she still won’t stop this.

I told my wife we needed therapy and to get on top of this. That I’m miserable.

But she said we didn’t have time and to keep building the relationship with the kids and showing them a good dad.

Red flag much?

Her family are being extra pushy about the kids using my name and even when I say they can use my name or any nickname they choose, the family pushes for dad.

I told my wife the other night that things need to change and if she won’t agree to therapy then maybe I should file for divorce.

My wife was hurt, angry, shocked, and probably all shades of alarmed. She did not see it coming despite my speaking up about my unhappiness and the kids unhappiness and anger.

This is intense.

She told me I can’t destroy our family over this. She told her parents and they tried to confront me about it but I told them to stay out of my marriage and refused to let them shame me.

My wife keeps saying she loves me and things will get better.

But I see no hope of that while nothing changes. WIBTA if I leave?

The road to a healthy stepfamily isn’t paved with pressure and forced titles. Respect matters—especially when grief and loyalty are still in the mix.

Majority rules on Reddit: NTA.

People are confused by the wife’s actions.

And most people are really rooting for OP.

He has two options.

He needs to make his position very clear.

He signed up to be a stepdad, not to erase their real one.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.