Setting physical boundaries with family is complicated, especially when the other person thinks roughness is just affection.

When a young woman’s older sibling kept patting too hard, shaking too aggressively, and brushing off her requests to be gentler, she started avoiding his touch altogether.

When he finally noticed and asked why, she realized she had never found the words to explain what her body had been saying for years.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITAH for not being that affectionate with my sibling?

Throughout my whole life, I (19F) grew up with my brother (23M). He can be very hyper sometimes — physically.

He’s been like that ever since he was young.

This hyper-ness often came out in harmful ways.

He would aggressively shake me, or when he wants to give me a pat on the back, he does it insanely hard sometimes.

I would tell him to lighten his grip or be a little gentler. My mother tells him the same because he does it to her sometimes too.

She doesn’t think her brother really knows his own strength.

He works out a lot and has grown ever since, so I think he underestimates the strength of his hand when it comes to a simple act of physical touch.

It is only with us though — with anyone else outside of the family he doesn’t really touch people.

So him being with us at home is kind of like his safe space to let loose, I guess.

He does a few other things that make her uncomfortable.

When I tell him to stop being so aggressive, what he usually does is peck me on the cheek instead.

For me, I would always just avoid being close to him when he’s like that at home. He gets sudden bursts of energy and releases it on me, in a sense.

I would dodge his pats or most forms of affection from him. My mom and I are the only females in the family.

She understands her brother may not have bad intentions, but lately her hesitancy has caught his attention.

But I do know that to an extent, guys need a safe space to be aggressive or release a lot of energy. That’s why most of them partake in sports or the gym, which are things my brother does.

He started to catch on to my avoidance of his touch and asked me, “Why is it that when we were on vacation with our family friends you were affectionate towards me, like holding arms and stuff, but at home you avoid that at all times?”

I don’t know what to really tell him. He seems off about it.

AITA?

It sounds like this conversation was long overdue.

Redditors chime in with their thoughts.

She needs to unapologetically set a boundary.

This commenter affirms that her feelings are completely understandable.

Even close family members need to respect personal boundaries.

This user has a more pessimistic view.

If you refuse to honor boundaries, you can’t be surprised when people keep their distance.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.