Whether you’re meeting people online or you met them the old-fashioned way, first dates can often be quite awkward affairs. In reality, you are both judging and analysing one another, and how it feels to spend time together. Of course, we know that, and so the ways in which we present ourselves are a little different to how we might be in casual acquaintance of people we’ve known for years.

It’s not lying exactly, but generally we talk up the things we think are good about ourselves, and are less forthcoming with the negatives. It’s only really the same as the way in which you dress in your best clothes to meet them, rather than wearing your scruffy sweatpants on your dinner date.

If that date is successful and gradually turns into a relationship, it’s inevitable that your new partner will gradually discover all the things that make you less than perfect – but when you’re in a relationship with another adult who likes you for you, these things are generally less of a big deal than you might have feared. After all, none of us are perfect – and our flaws can, to the right person, actually be adorable.

But for the couple in this story, some of the ways in which the woman portrayed herself in the beginning are turning out to be less than accurate – and now, the guy isn’t sure how he feels.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for getting the ick after my new girlfriend took me bar hopping on a work night?

I am a 31-year-old man, and I have been dating my girlfriend (27, female) for just over a month.

I’m a bit of a homebody, an extroverted introvert, and generally I like slow living. I still enjoy going out, but I’m casually getting sober.

I only drink a few times a month, and I gave up nicotine in the new year. I still vape THC regularly, but I’ve been slowing down there too.

She painted a similar picture at first, but I’m learning that’s not totally true.

Let’s see what the reality is with this girl.

We did a movie night for our one month anniversary, where she showed me one of her favourites, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and the messaging about “never love a wild thing” stuck with me.

Later that week, she took me out to meet her friends for a typical Wednesday night. It turns out she’s kind of the instigator of the group, making them go to different bars, pulling out cigs, peer pressuring more drinks etc.

She insisted I leave my car behind and ride with her, despite her drinking, and I got stuck with them til 2am.

She knew I had to work a big event late the following day, but I felt too awkward being the new guy in the group to speak up or order an uber. It was fun but… it really disrupted the rest of my week.

And there were more red flags when he met her friends.

While out her one guy friend made a point to call her an “unreliable narrator.” She always said her friend group was wild and wants to close down the bar, but in reality she’s the one leading the charge.

It has sort of removed the blinders, and I’m starting to see other examples of half-truths and reasons why we’re probably not be a good fit long term. While I’m trying to keep things status quo till I get my head straight, I’m scared she’s noticed a change in my attitude.

Am I wrong for losing attraction to my new girlfriend after a bar hop and meeting her friends? Or is this a reasonable reaction given the circumstances?

AITA?

The truth is, she lied to him about how she likes to live her life. Sure we all tend to big ourselves up a little in the early days of a relationship, but to completely lie about how we like to spend our time is wrong.

After all, the truth will always catch up with you, and this guy has learned that he and his new girlfriend really aren’t compatible.

Still, best to learn that sooner rather than later.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a young woman who didn’t expect closing her door to study to lead to a sibling blowout.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that he needed to step away.

While others encouraged him to be stronger with his boundaries.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought it would be kinder for him to be honest and for them to continue as friends.

Dating can be really difficult, and it’s clear that this guy is working hard to find the best in this woman he has been dating for a month. However, we can respect and like people, without them being our person, and with their fundamental incompatibilities it feels like these two really aren’t right for one another. If she really is the life and soul of the party like her friends suggest, she wouldn’t be happy with a homebody – and neither would he.

It could be the case that she is trying to change, but her friends aren’t on board yet. That is something that he might find out if he actually talks to her about it, rather than ruminating on it for a while. But if she really does prefer going out to staying in, then she’s misled him, and that’s not okay.

Either way, they need a conversation to determine whether they are really compatible, or whether, with respect to one another, their relationship has run its course. Because while relationships are about compromise, neither should be having to sacrifice the things that make them happy. That’s not what love is all about.