If you got in a time machine and went back a hundred years – or in many places, significantly fewer – you’d find that life was very different, for women in particular. While women in the early twentieth century had just obtained the right to vote in the US and the UK, there were plenty of gendered expectations upheld – and while women were entering the workplace in some cases, there was nothing even resembling gender equality in the realm of pay, or anything else for that matter.

For most women, life revolved around the domestic sphere. Cooking, cleaning – including washing clothes by hand – generally managing the household, and caring for the children were expectations on women, while their husbands (because yes, heterosexual nuclear families dominated) earned the money. But at the same time, movements of young women were fighting for something better, something more. Really, women in the twenty first century have a lot to thank them for.

But even today, there are plenty of people who think that a woman’s role is still to care for the men and the family. It might not even be a conscious opinion for many, women included. Because plenty of men have spent their lives with their mothers cleaning up after them, to be followed by a girlfriend or wife doing the same – and for many women, who have seen that kind of life for their grandmother and mother before them, they might even do so without realising. However it’s 2026, and those women who are still taking on most of the mental and physical household burden? They’re probably working full time too – and that is a lot to handle.

The woman in this story isn’t currently working, due to a combination of factors including her health and harassment at her previous workplace – but that doesn’t mean that she’s not paying her own way. But she’s a modern woman, and is determined for everything to be split equally between herself and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, however, has other ideas.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA, I don’t work but should I be the only one “working” at home?

Recently, my boyfriend and I have been arguing over household duties.

I live with him now after selling my home in a town nearby, from which I got a pretty large sum of cash.

About four months later I began getting fed up with my bosses’ harassment, and asked my boyfriend what I should do.

He told me I could leave my position there before finding a new job. And that’s what I did.

Let’s see what is going on in their day to day life now.

We have EXTREMELY low bills at his place, because everything is paid off so we go 50/50.

Now that I’m not working I do most of the household chores, like 90% of them.

I also have fixed things about the house that he’s been neglecting (I don’t think he’s ever fixed anything about the house since he’s moved in).

He’s a very messy man and expects me to clean up after him and myself most of the time. If I do not, he gets an attitude, treats me different and calls me lazy.

And there’s good reason for her getting fed up with this arrangement.

I’ve recently asked for more help around the house when he gets home from work (he works 35 hours a week) since, while I can do all the cleaning myself, I’m starting to think the sole responsibility shouldn’t be on me alone.

He does nothing around the house except sometimes pick up his mess at his desk. He cooks dinner most of the time which is why I haven’t pushed him much, but lately he’s been asking me to cook on top of cleaning.

As I’ve mentioned, I think this is silly because I paid for everything I ever did before I left my job, and since I’ve just been dipping into my savings.

He buys a lot of the food items but I buy all the household items (shampoo and soaps, toilet paper, laundry detergent, paper towel, etc). So our fighting has been about me not feeling appreciated.

As time goes on, it’s becoming clear that this situation is not right for her.

I’ve never conformed to societal standards (I don’t want kids, I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to be the women at home cleaning), and I’m just starting to feel a little used.

His sister said that before I moved in she had to come do all his cleaning weekly, otherwise the house would be disgusting. Also, they had maids growing up, so he’s never really had to clean.

It might help to mention that I’ve not gotten a job yet because I’ve been pretty sick since I’ve left my job (in and out of the hospital). I’ve been on a lot of medications and I’m finally starting to feel somewhat decent and have started looking for jobs again.

But, am I wrong for wanting more from him at home?

AITA?

Listen, even if this was a story about a woman who paid for nothing and spent her life at home cooking and cleaning, it still wouldn’t be okay for her boyfriend to be a messy slob that doesn’t pick up after himself.

Because in putting all that on her, he’s really taking advantage of her.

Just because he had a maid growing up doesn’t mean that his girlfriend should be taking over her paid responsibilities now.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose celebratory post-grad school vacation is being ruined by his family’s insistence he’s being lazy.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that her boyfriend should still be cleaning up after himself.

While others wondered whether she actually wanted to be with someone like him at all.

Meanwhile, this Redditor encouraged her to get a new job.

As things stand, it’s clear that these two are not a good fit. After all, it seems like he’s quite used to women cleaning up after him, and sees nothing wrong with expecting the same of his girlfriend. If she doesn’t address this, it’s likely that it’s a pattern that will continue throughout their life, and she’ll become his de facto maid – even though she is aware that such a gendered relationship is the complete opposite of what she wants.

The sad thing is that she sold her house to live with him, and even though she has her own money and is paying her own way, she has given up quite a bit of her independence. It’s clear that she need to get a new job, ideally one without unpleasant bosses, so that she can save the money from her house sale – because if her boyfriend doesn’t clean up his act soon, she likely isn’t going to want their relationship to continue.

And unfortunately for this woman, if they do break up over his attitude, it’ll be her left with nothing.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.