Planning a vacation takes a lot of work and involves working within a variety of constraints, such as budget, paid time off, and the things you enjoy.

What would you do if you and your partner planned out a vacation that you really wanted to take, and once you had everything set, you invited his family to join you if they wanted, but as soon as they agreed, they started trying to change the details of your plans?

That is what is happening to the young couple in this story, so they are pushing back on the family and telling them that they don’t want to change their entire vacation. The family, of course, is not happy with this because they think their plans are better.

While frustrating, I think the young couple is doing the right thing. If the family doesn’t want to join them on their vacation, they can go on their own. Hopefully, this doesn’t escalate further. Read through the full story below and see what you think about it.

AITAH for not wanting to change my boyfriend and I’s vacation spot because his family want us to?

As the title suggests, my boyfriend and I planned a really good vacation where we would spend 4 days in a cheaper apartment at a smaller town (lets call it town A) from which we can travel each day to a different city.

Making this a fun extended vacation sounds great.

The apartment is close to big national parks and rivers as well as a 5 minute walk to a private beach.

Since him and his family have not been on vacation together for over 10+ years, we figured we could invite them, informing them of all the places we would visit for a fraction of the price.

Everyone sounds excited for this trip.

They all said it was a great idea. His dad ended up cancelling because he had work, his mom and brother still agreed to go.

They loved the idea and we told them the name of the town and sent over the links for the booking info etc.

Oh, great. They are trying to take over the vacation planning.

Today, we get a call from his mom saying “Hi so I found us a big house that would cost us just a bit more on this island, we would be staying there for 6 days and its a great idea.”, the island was far from our original destination, more expensive and I do not have so many vacation days.

We told her this, and she said “Well, why doesn’t your girlfriend just switch days with someone at work, you know its not in your brothers best interest to stay only 4 days, besides you guys didn’t even find a place to stay there.”.

Well, the rest of the family can stay on the island. These two shouldn’t change their plans if they don’t want to.

“But we did find a place to stay, we sent the links last week, the apartment is big with 4 rooms and free parking, a few minutes away from the beach and its the place we initially wanted to stay at… this way we are spending more money, taking more vacation days and we can’t visit all the places we agreed on.”

“Okay but I found this apartment on an island and we would be travelling less, its way better and the town is not muddy like yours. I went there when your brother was little (30 years ago lol) and it was all muddy this island is so much better I can book it right now but okay.”

I bet they regret inviting them at all.

She was pretty annoyed and said our apartment was expensive as well and far away from home (the distance is the same).

His brother sent him a message just reading “you guys really want to cheap out over 30euros and not go to the island?”, basically calling us cheapskates, when it was never the plan to go to an island, spend so much money just to be at a crowded beach for 6 days straight.

It is good to see that they are standing up for themselves.

We told them my bf and I were planning a vacation and if they wanted they could come with.

My bf asked him straight up “Okay but we agreed on town A, we told you guys everything and now what’s exactly the problem? You guys loved the idea now it’s bad?”

This could ruin the whole trip.

His brother just said “ah m’kay.”.

Now they are passive with us and I genuinely don’t want to go with them anymore.

Her frustration is entirely justified.

Am I wrong for not wanting to conform to their sudden plan changes?

Am I wrong for feeling like they wanted to vacation on their terms despite never making plans themselves and using our idea to have the summer they want?

AITA?

This is the problem with inviting people on your vacation. It becomes their vacation too. Of course, they are going to want to spend their time and money on the things that they enjoy most, which often doesn’t line up with what you want to do.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who abandoned their own D&D campaign when their friends stopped paying attention.
Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this difficult situation.

I agree, put a stop to this right away.

This should go without saying.

Take the vacation you want, don’t worry about the family.

I agree. They can vacation on their own.

Her boyfriend should be handling this conflict.

Taking a vacation with extended family can be a lot of fun, but it sure makes the planning more difficult. In cases like this, it is best to tell the extended family that your vacation plans are set, and they can come along if they would like. Make sure to be clear that you won’t be changing your plans to accommodate them.

While it may seem harsh, it is the only way to avoid conflict like this. In the current situation with this couple, I think they need to tell the family that taking separate vacations is likely the best option.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose celebratory post-grad school vacation is being ruined by his family’s insistence he’s being lazy.