Helping out with younger siblings is a normal part of family life for many teenagers. But when babysitting starts taking priority over school, social plans, vacations, and even sleep, it can begin to feel less like pitching in—and more like unpaid childcare.

That’s how this 17-year-old says she’s been feeling ever since her little brother was born. While she loves him dearly, she says she’s constantly expected to watch him whenever her parents want to go out, run errands, or simply don’t feel like bringing him along. According to OP, she’s missed time with friends, had homework interrupted, been woken up in the middle of the night, and even been called home while she was sick—all to babysit.

What hurts most, she says, is being repeatedly told she’s “the babysitter,” with both her mom and even her dad dismissing her concerns when she says she wants to be seen as more than free childcare.

Now, with college on the horizon, she’s wondering if refusing to babysit is finally the only way to set a boundary.

WIBTAH if I start refusing to babysit for my mom?

This primarily involves me (17F), my mom, (40s F) and my brother (5M). Might be important to mention that he has autism just like his older brother (we have different dads). Im going to break each time thats led me to this point up in scenarios because thats what works for me.

Ever since i was little ive always wanted a sibling and when i was 12, i was given just that. I love him very, very much. The problem isnt really the babysitting itself, but its when she tells me to or why.

Shes a SAHM, my stepdad works from 5pm – 4am, he comes home early too sometimes. She works from home with a personal craft business because her remote job did a lay off wave about 3 years ago, i dont know if shes been looking for another though.

Busy, busy.

She does get help, i dont know if its right to say idk how much my stepdad helps because when i see him, he is a good dad, and hes present. Both to my baby brother and his 2 kids AND me, but i have a very much present dad who i love very much. But sometimes i feel like he can help more than i do because well, thats his son.

Scenario 1: The night i was asked to babysit from if i remember correctly, 5 or 6pm close to 10pm during a day in the beginning of junior year. I was trying to finish a 112 question reading that i had been working on and i finished way later because i had to make sure my brother didnt hurt himself (hes very rowdy). I told my mom i just wanted to do my work in peace but she made me do it anyways.

Scenario 2: ALL of our vacation days. I absolutely hate vacation days with her and my stepdad now because sometimes they will leave during the afternoon and come back at or PAST midnight.

Ouch.

Many, many times i havent been able to do what i wanted to do which is either swim at the beach or pool. And if we do go to the pool, we get out earlier than id like because my brother gets cold. She always tells me “next time“, but it rarely ever comes.

Once i even tried to tell them “its my vacation too, im not your designated babysitter“ and they (mom and stepdad) laughed and said i was. Sometimes when she talks about me leaving to college (im picking somewhere far), she says she will “miss her babysitter“. It hurts my feelings.

Scenario 3: While i was out with friends, i was told i had to come home to watch brother. Reasoning? “Your step sister graduated and we are going out to eat with her and (an aunts name), we dont think your brother will cooperate so you will be babysitting.“ This frustrated me because she OR my stepdad didnt even try with him.

How frustrating.

Scenario 4: I had a cold and was in pain due to my chronic headaches and sore throat, i was at my dads. She calls me and tells me i have to babysit because they forgot they bought tickets to a comedy show and needed someone to watch brother. I told her i was sick and she said “its not for long, we are on our way to get you.“ I ended up getting the house sick because he got sick after me.

Scenario 5: She told me to babysit while her and stepdad went out. I had him from evening until past 12am on a school night. At 12, i came downstairs and caught them about to have s** on the couch. I was 16 and i know what sex is, so i didnt care and told them to get their son. When they covered up, i sat him on the couch and tried to go to sleep.

Uh oh…

When i went down to check on my brother, the kitchen was TRASHED due to him and the fact both my mom and stepdad fell asleep. i woke my mom up and she blamed me and told me “How did he do that when you were supposed to be watching him?“ I reminded her that it was going on 1am and i had school, i previously told the both of them to get him. She doubled down and specifically said “i blame you.“

Scenario 6: Ive been woken up on many occasions. Some are naps, one i distinctly remember was at 8pm and i think 3am? The one at 8, my stepdad told her “He doesnt need to be babysat, let her sleep“. And the one at 3, my stepdad came in and said “I dont know why she woke you up. Hes perfectly fine.“

And such cases. A lot of other times are just “i or your stepdad couldnt get / didnt feel like putting his shoes on to go to the store, so watch him.“ She wakes me up a lot for reasons like this and will tell me things like “fix your face“, “its not that bad“, or mocks me by saying “I can feel your bad energy“ when im clearly upset, tired, or frustrated.

This is just riduculous.

Currently, i was eating with my dad and told him how i didnt want to go home today just to babysit because they dont feel like taking him to the car shop with them and sitting there with him.

I said “Im not their built in babysitter, im more than that.“ And he proceeded to tell me im the child and i am their babysitter until i go off to college. I then said “they cant just pawn him off to me. How will they react when im gone to college and they realize theyve messed up on trying to get him used to things?“ and he said “that dont matter because youre not off to college yet. Until then, youre their babysitter.“

This really hurt my feelings and after that, i just said “ok i get it“ to everything he said after. Once i was done eating, i washed my hands and went to my room, and honestly cried a little bit.

No kidding.

To shoot down a question that may get asked, no i dont get paid. Ive been paid atleast 3-4x, but ive babysat way way more than that, for way more hours than i should (especially on a school day), and its always $20 or less. I think the most ive gotten was $40 but i honestly cant remember.

I DONT expect payment, hes my family, but i dont find it fair to the extent im always expected to babysit, and it really hurts my feelings when i tell them “im more than just a baby sitter“ just to essentially be told “no youre not.“

Ive tried speaking up, but i get shot down.

That’s just discouraging.

I begin to dread being at home both because of this and for other reasons, but its also hard to get away because i have a small issue with my stepsister (12F i think), in which i brought it up and i got shut down + one upped + everything wrong ive ever done back in my face.

On vacation days im also often left in the room with her and my brother and end up making sure both of them are okay. I also dont like how im the only one ever asked to babysit, not my stepsister or stepbrother (17M).

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so WIBTAH if i start refusing to babysit?

Reddit overwhelmingly sided with NTA, with many commenters saying there’s a significant difference between occasionally helping with a younger sibling and being treated like an on-call caregiver. Readers pointed out that asking a teenager to babysit from time to time is reasonable, but expecting her to regularly sacrifice schoolwork, vacations, social plans, sleep, and personal time without meaningful choice crosses the line into parentification.

Many were especially disturbed by examples like being forced to babysit while sick, being called home from time with friends, staying up until after midnight on school nights, and then being blamed when her exhausted parents failed to supervise their own child. Several commenters also noted that if her stepfather himself questioned why she was being woken up at 3 a.m., it suggested even he recognized some of the requests were unnecessary.

While readers encouraged OP to remain respectful, they also felt she had every right to begin setting reasonable boundaries as she prepares for adulthood. Some suggested limiting babysitting to agreed-upon times or declining when it interferes with school or previously made plans.

Others reminded her that, ultimately, her brother is her parents’ responsibility, not hers.

The overwhelming sentiment was that loving a sibling doesn’t mean sacrificing your teenage years to raise them.

This person says leave. Go far. Don’t come back.

This person says to just mess up while babysitting…a little “whoops” will go a long way.

And thi sperson says the parents are clearly the issue here.

Helping your parents is one thing, but being treated like the default parent every time they don’t want to be isn’t a fair expectation.

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Author

Diana Whelan

Diana Whelan | Contributing Writer, Life & Drama

Diana Whelan is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter specializing in family dynamics, viral internet culture, and interpersonal relationships. Drawing on her extensive professional background as a senior copywriter in the digital marketing space, Diana excels at transforming community-driven conversations and trending social media debates into relatable, highly engaging narratives.

Rather than simply aggregating online drama, Diana brings a balanced, humorous, and empathetic editorial voice to everyday dilemmas and parenting moments. She has a keen eye for finding the human element at the center of complex relationship conflicts and viral social trends.

Outside of writing, Diana is usually spending time with her husband and two kids, planning elaborate themed parties, or chasing down new family adventures. Fueled by a little too much caffeine and a love for a well-placed pun, she can often be found unwinding with a glass of wine and her very patient golden retriever.

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