When someone is important to you – whether that’s a family member or a child, your spouse or a friend – it’s natural to want to be kind and generous with them, whatever that means to you. Perhaps you provide them emotional or physical help or support, maybe you treat them to a drink or dinner every once in a while. You might help them with childcare or bake them cookies when they’re having a tough time, or maybe you make sure to give them a gift you know they’ll love for their birthday. This is all part of human social relationships, and is a perfectly normal way to behave.

The woman in this story finds that generosity comes naturally to her, and the fact that she’s financially secure means that she’s more than happy to support a good friend who has been struggling with money for quite some time. This doesn’t mean that she’s bailing her out financially – instead she helps her by lending her things when she stays over, gives her make up and clothes that she doesn’t need any more, and generally tries to offer her whatever help she can.

But a recent incident has proven to her that her generosity may no longer be worth her time.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for taking my t-shirt back from my friend’s dresser without asking?

My friend (we’re both 21 and female) isn’t doing the best financially, so over the years, I’ve tried to help her make the best out of her situation by giving her clothes I don’t want any more, makeup I don’t use, and perfumes she likes in my collection.

I’ve paid for her food, and of course, what this post is truly about, I’ve lent to her many of my own items for her to borrow.

She’s always been very gracious.

However, recently I’ve started noticing that she’s been taking advantage of my generosity, whether it’s intentional or not.

Let’s see an example of her friend taking advantage of her generosity.

The most recent instance was at the beginning of the summer. She was spending the night at my apartment and asked to borrow something to sleep in, so I gave her a t-shirt.

In the morning, she told me that she’d wash it and give it back to me when she sees me next, but I eventually forgot about it since it’s summer, and I’ve really only been sleeping in tank tops due to it getting really hot in my room.

Last month, I remembered the shirt. I spent hours searching for it in my closet, and then I remembered I lent it to her.

When I saw her at our hangout later that day, I brought up the shirt and asked if she could give it back, to which she replied, “I’m not giving it back,” and when I pushed a little more she said “Don’t even try. It’s mine now. Sorry.”

Yikes. Read on to find out how this woman felt about her friend’s words.

I felt incredibly disrespected. I’m not a particularly possessive person, but I do believe that my generosity belongs to me, and while I’m willing to give my friend many of my things, I don’t appreciate her deciding what I give to her.

I ignored many similar instances in the past, which looking back I should’ve used as an opportunity to place a boundary, but those instances involved items that I would’ve given her anyway had she asked.

This t-shirt however, was not something I was planning on getting rid of.

So in the end, she decided to take matters into her own hands.

Last week, I spent the night at her apartment, and while she was digging in her dresser to find her pajamas, I spotted my t-shirt.

When she fell asleep, I took it out and put it in my bag. Oops.

Last night, she texted me saying she couldn’t find it, and asked if I happened to take it back, to which I replied verbatim “yes it’s mine. on a real note though, i was hurt when you told me you weren’t giving it back, so when i saw it, I took it. I should’ve just asked. I’m sorry.”

Let’s see how that went down with her friend.

A few hours go went and she didn’t respond, but this morning she texted me saying verbatim “are you actually serious right now? You literally forgot about the shirt anyway and I told you I wanted to keep it. You have so many clothes so I don’t understand why THIS ONE SHIRT even matters, especially since YOU KNOW I haven’t been making a lot of money.”

We end up going back and forth for a while, but I’ll spare you. The last thing I said though was “it’s not about the shirt. it’s about the fact that you refused to return it when I asked. I feel like me taking it back isn’t as bad as you taking it without intending to return it.”

Was in in the wrong here and what can I do to fix this? I’m keeping the shirt LOL.

AITA?

The truth is, her friend has taken advantage of her generosity for way too long.

The fact that she refused to give the shirt back when asked shows just how entitled she has come: it has gone from her being grateful when her friend shared things to actually expecting them – and that she can keep them.

This woman needs to decide whether this is a friendship she wants to keep.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person thought that she needed to stop being so generous.

While others argued that her ‘friend’ wasn’t a friend at all.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who is annoyed that her brother is making their mom’s international trip all about how broke he is.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought the friendship should end right here, right now.

Sure, when someone is constantly giving you might stop noticing it after a while. If you have a busy life with a lot going on – including a whole lot of stress – you might start taking their general niceness for granted, mainly because it becomes the norm. That’s not necessarily a sign that you’re a bad person, but you should certainly take note of a person’s generosity and try to stop taking it for granted when you do realise. And if you realise because they’re calling you out on it, the decent thing to do is apologise and try to make amends by changing things going forward.

But for this ‘friend’? She’s so far gone in terms of taking advantage that she’s become entitled. Most folk when they realise they’d stolen a friend’s shirt (whether accidentally or on purpose) would be mortified about being called out on it and would return it immediately and make sure to never take something again. You can’t just assume that because something has been lent to you that the owner doesn’t want it back – rather than the item not being valuable to them, it means they trust you to share.

Well, she’s thoroughly burned through that trust now.