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It is a sad reality for some people that their mothers-in-law don’t act as new parents, but instead as competition.

That was the case for the woman in this story, whose mother-in-law acted like everything was a competition to look or be better than her.

It even happened on her husband’s birthday when her MIL brought a cake, but then got upset when the cake was actually used for blowing out candles. This poor woman feels like there is nothing she can do to please her mother-in-law.

You have to feel sorry for her, honestly. Read through the full story below and see what you think.

AITA for not letting my MIL have more control during her son’s milestone birthday party?

My MIL knew I made a handmade cake for my husband’s birthday… Bet you can guess what she brought to the party anyway… Yupp.

Her mother-in-law sounds awful.

The part that gets under my skin the most is when she arrived she came straight to me with, “I know I know don’t be mad…” and although I was irritated, I wasn’t surprised.

Context: She “competes” with me pretty much any time I have her at my house – Racing me to the door to greet my guests and introducing people she doesn’t know to eachother.

Interrupting any time I’m talking to my husband. Criticizing me when he isn’t in the room or if she thinks I can’t hear what she’s saying about me. Referring to me in the 3rd person when I’m RIGHT THERE… etc.

She wanted more of a reaction.

With the cake thing, though, I smiled and thanked her. Even went so far as to say “this is perfect, because now we have extra and my husband loves the cake I made, so we’ll put the candles on yours and eat both.”

But I guess hearing how much my husband loves my cooking has always deeply bothered her? I don’t know if I’m reading into it, but I swear when I took it well and was the bigger person, she broke eye contact with me and looked upset / disappointed?

What is wrong with this woman?

I thought I might be overthinking but when it was cake time, she was micromanaging, wanting to help put candles on… wanting to decide when to bring out the cake… wanting to do the toast early… talking over me and answering guests questions for me… very upstagey.

I didn’t allow her in my kitchen and made sure she was distracted while my neighbor helped. Halfway through lighting the candles she gets up to “help” but stands in front of the guest who was filming my husband about to blow the candles out.

Her mother-in-law really needs to be put in her place.

I told her firmly but nicely to please sit down. She did but the whole family heard about how I didn’t let her be involved.

What do you mean? I used her cake and didn’t even take mine out of the fridge. And even though I sent her son and grandchild to her house the day before for a “Nana dinner” (without me so I could stay home to clean & party plan) just so she could feel special and get her “fix” with being the center of attention for a day that wasn’t her son’s actual birthday.

Of course, this will upset her mother-in-law.

But it’s never enough.

So yeah, I told her to SIT and then put all the candles on the outside edges of her cake. It was a milestone birthday so there were a lot of candles that melted so I then cut the melted-waxed parts off so guests could avoid eating it…

What did she expect?

So, now somehow I’m the villian because I didn’t allow her to upstage the party I threw for her son, and apparently I “ruined” the cake she brought “on purpose” by removing candle wax…?!

I mean, I laughed when I heard that’s what she thought, but whatever.

This is honestly pretty sad.

She is making this so difficult for me and it hurts because my own biological mom is a nutcase, so this was supposed to be my chance to “re-do” how being a daughter feels.

But no… just more of the same. Sigh. Or maybe I was in the wrong?

AITA?

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Here is a commenter who has a similar mother-in-law.

If this were a one-time thing, it could be ignored.

This commenter has some good questions.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this postabout a man who thought he was staying with his brother for a month in his 1-bedroom Tokyo apartment, then got hit with a list of local hotels.

Here is another person blaming her husband.

The husband really should be putting a stop to this.

It is truly heartbreaking that this is the type of relationship her mother-in-law is forcing on her. She clearly wants to be closer with her, but that just isn’t an option.

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Author

Michael Levanduski

Senior Contributing Editor, Workplace & Community

Michael Levanduski is a veteran journalist and digital culture specialist with over 15 years of professional writing and research experience. While his background spans emerging technology and complex technical subjects, Michael specializes in analyzing workplace ethics, property disputes, and viral interpersonal dynamics across modern digital forums.

Since joining TwistedSifter in 2024, Michael has authored some of the publication’s most widely read coverage on corporate policy, malicious compliance, and neighborhood relations. Rather than simply aggregating online debates, he brings rigorous research, organizational context, and an empathetic editorial voice to everyday human dilemmas—transforming raw forum discussions into insightful, highly engaging narratives.

When he isn’t covering internet culture, Michael enjoys traveling, keeping up with tech trends, and spending time with his family. Connect with Michael on LinkedIn and Facebook.