Her High-Risk Pregnancy Kept Her from Pre-Wedding Events—Until Her In-Laws Turned Medical Complications into Resentment
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There are a lot of fun and important events that lead up to a wedding, and it is wonderful to have the entire family at them to celebrate.
What would you do if you were having a difficult pregnancy and that made it so that you and your husband couldn’t attend several key events for your sister-in-law’s upcoming wedding?
That is what is happening to the couple in this story, and while they have tried to attend what they can, they have had to miss a lot, and it seems like her in-laws are growing resentful.
Personally, I think they should make an effort to show just how important the wedding is to them without sacrificing their own health and well-being. Read through the full story below and see if you agree.
AITA for missing my soon-to-be SIL’s bridal shower and bachelorette party, and for my husband missing my brother’s bachelor party?
My brother is getting married soon, and I’m worried that my husband and I have really hurt him and my soon-to-be SIL by missing several of the wedding events.
Missing events due to health problems is completely understandable.
I’m currently pregnant and also have a toddler. During this pregnancy I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG). I’ve been throwing up constantly, have needed at-home IV infusions, and at one point had to go to the hospital because I was so sick.
Originally, I said I would go to my future SIL’s bachelorette party. But after I was diagnosed with HG, I told her sister, who was planning it, about 2 to 3 months ahead of time, that I most likely wouldn’t be able to go. I told her I would have to play it by ear depending on how I was feeling.
She is going out of her way to make things work.
I also told her sister that even if I couldn’t go, I would still pay my share of the accommodations because I didn’t want my situation to raise the cost for everyone else or mess up any of the plans.
I ended up not going…. The trip required flying, and I was still extremely sick. I felt like I would spend the entire trip vomiting and miserable, and I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.
Well, this is just ridiculous.
After the trip, her sister asked me to pay additional money on top of my own share because some of the other girls hadn’t stayed for the whole trip, and therefore weren’t going to pay their full portions.
I didn’t do that. I paid the share I had originally agreed to pay, even though I didn’t attend, but I didn’t feel like I should also be responsible for covering other people’s portions.
Her husband was home with his wife, right where he belongs.
I also missed the bridal shower. I genuinely wanted to go, but I had been so sick that I was in the hospital the week before, and when the time came I just wasn’t well enough to fly out and attend.
My brother told me beforehand that he thinks I should fly in for the weekend of the bridal shower even if I couldn’t ultimately go just to show that I really care and am making an effort, but I didn’t.
What makes it worse is that my husband also didn’t attend my brother’s bachelor party. He’s not in the bridal party, in case that matters. But with me being sick, he he stayed home with our toddler instead of going.
Their feelings make sense. Hopefully, they can do something to show them just how important their wedding really is.
Now my brother and future SIL are saying that we haven’t been supportive of them at all.
From their perspective, neither of us showed up for some of the biggest events leading up to their wedding, and I can understand why that would feel hurtful.
Explaining this should be pretty simple.
At the same time, I don’t know what we realistically could have done differently. I wasn’t skipping these things because I didn’t care or didn’t want to celebrate them.
I’ve been genuinely very sick, and my husband staying home with our toddler is part of how we’ve been managing while I’m sick.
No, there is no reason to make life even more difficult for an already sick pregnant mother.
I keep wondering if we should have somehow tried harder to make at least one of these events work, or if this is just an unfortunate situation where they’re understandably disappointed but we really didn’t have much of a choice.
AITA for missing the bridal shower and bachelorette and for my husband missing the bachelor party?
If the in-laws don’t understand why she and her husband couldn’t make it, they are pretty heartless. That being said, giving a special gift, writing a heartfelt note, or making some other gesture that shows that they regret not being there would be a good move.
Let’s see if the people in the comments have any good suggestions for them.
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They have nothing to feel bad about.
This couple is doing exactly what they should be.
The in-laws really should be more understanding.
She is struggling with a serious medical condition.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a sister who feels badly about unknowingly encouraging her younger brother to play with bullies.
This commenter is exactly right.
This couple is doing the right thing for themselves and their baby, and if the in-laws don’t like it, that is their problem.
Fortunately, showing the in-laws that their wedding really does matter should be easy.
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