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One of the things that excites a lot of people about going to college is living with roommates. Because when you share a living space with folk who are in the same boat as you as a new student, things can feel a little more normal, even when they’re definitely not. But for plenty of other people, the idea of sharing a living space with strangers is really daunting, and makes them feel anxious about the whole thing. Because what if they’re not nice people, or what if you have nothing in common?

Honestly, for most people, once they’ve arrived and got settled in there are no issues whatsoever. Whether you and your roommates get on like you’ve been separated at birth, or even if you don’t like them so much, with a little time you’ll find your tribe at college, and all that anxiety will be in the past. And that is very much the case for the student in this story, but they’re having a little trouble even getting any alone time.

Read on to find out more.

Roommates not listening to boundaries

My roommates have been very pushy and not respectful of boundaries I’m setting.

We’ve been living together for about a month now and we live in a triple, and everything started out fine.

However, lately they’ve been constantly sitting on my bed and giving me no space when I’m trying to sleep/chill.

Let’s see how she has tried to deal with this.

I have told them that I want my personal space, but then they act all guilt-trippy and ask if I’m mad at them, and then I feel like I can’t say anything.

They also don’t respect my study time, as when I’m visibly studying or working on an assignment they will talk to me after I have told them that I get easily distracted.

I have started leaving the apartment to study and just walk around to get away from them, since I don’t appreciate them being in my space all of the time.

And these roommates really aren’t picking up on those boundaries.

But sometimes, when I clearly want my space, they will insist on going with me wherever I go, when I have made it obvious that I wanted to go alone and did not invite them with me.

I want to be able to be firm with them and make them stop, but every time I try to set a boundary they make me feel like the villain in the situation for valuing my personal space.

Am I overreacting, or do I need to do something? nothing I do seems to work very well.

Let’s be honest, college is all about learning how to be an adult – and part of that is learning to set, maintain – and, crucially, respect – boundaries.

This person is doing all the right things, but perhaps they need to be clearer with their roommates.

And their roommates need to learn to take no for an answer.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.

This person explained how communication could help.

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While others wondered if it was something she could learn to cope with.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who finds his parking spot at a hocket game in jeopardy from a rude driver.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought it would be worth getting someone else involved.

At this point in their lives as young adults, they’re still learning about certain things. And for this person’s roommates, it seems like taking a hint is one of those things. But for the student too, perhaps there’s a lesson here on how to communicate. Because there’s nothing wrong with explaining as many times as necessary that you need your alone time, and it’s nothing personal, just that you can only study alone – and that you like to sometimes take walks on your own too. There are plenty of introverts out there for whom alone time is vital, because it helps them to recharge.

So early in the school year, it’s probably just the case that the roommates are desperately trying to make friends, and tagging along somewhere with someone they know is making them feel a little more at home. Over time, and with sustained, clear conversation, this situation should hopefully resolve itself – and if not, an RA should be on hand to help smooth things over.

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Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

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