Employee Regrets Recommending A New Hire Who Undermines Her Work, But His Demands For Free Rides Push Her Toward Quitting
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Recommending someone for a job can feel like a great way to help your team grow. Unless that person turns out to be the very reason you start considering a career change.
One nonprofit employee is experiencing some serious regret after advocating for a new hire who initially seemed like the perfect addition to the organization.
With nearly four years of experience and strong relationships throughout the community, the employee was excited to welcome someone who could help expand the team’s work.
Unfortunately, things didn’t go quite as planned.
The new coworker, whom she’s calling Grace, apparently arrived with plenty of confidence but little understanding of how the organization operates.
And rather than listening to advice, Grace reportedly began challenging her colleague’s experience, making demands of community partners and creating problems that others had to resolve.
Then came an unexpected addition to the employee’s responsibilities: providing transportation.
Now, after months of mounting anxiety, she’s wondering whether staying at a job she once loved is worth the stress.
I may quit my job over this new hire and I don’t know what else to do…
So I am a fairly new business professional. I started with this nonprofit about 3 almost 4 years ago. My role has grown since then and I have taken on significantly more work. I’m happy to do so- I love my job and what I get to do.
Now we have this new hire that came on for a three year contract to do one specific role for us. I actually vouched for them to be hired as they interviewed well and had the perfect experience for what the new contract needed.
I was thrilled for our team to grow… until she started. For this story we shall call her Grace.
Seems like an odd name choice for a story that starts out like this, but go on…
Grace is new to our world and what we do and it’s been very apparent from the get go. We have built relationships that help us get things done and at every turn this new hire is destroying those relationships by showing up and demanding people change how they work and so on and so forth.
Relationships are delicate! Anyway she assumes every person you mention can help her turns into they are going to work with her. It’s almost like grace has no social cues.
Now why am I losing my mind? I have offered advice on how to get things done within our community and she is constantly telling me I’m wrong? Like, uh, I’ve been working here in this community building these relationships, I know how to get what I need essentially without taking things over or expecting things from people.
Don’t be a know it all, Grace.
I have been told by this grace character that I need to “do work” for this project which is like well of course I am but you haven’t even been here long enough to know what my role is? Also, for the record we are equals. She is not a manager nor a director of any sorts. She is supposed to work together with us.
It’s so bad I have other org directors asking me if she’s always like that or telling me the horror stories of how she treats people and I’m like damn… I’m the external affairs manager and I have to clean up her messes by assuring our partners I’m still here.
Now here’s the kicker, she doesn’t have a car and I’m by default her chaffer. She doesn’t ask me she tells me when we have appointments. Not understanding I have so many other things to take care of outside of her one project. We are a small organization!
Oh brother.
What’s prompting me to post this is she put an appointment on my calendar and then said I was driving her too and from it. Not directly but stated “since I didn’t get a car you and I can ride together” which if it was a coworker I didn’t shake everytime I’m around because they’re constantly challenging my position, my experience, my skill sets, and everything else.
I straight up don’t feel safe to be alone with her and I don’t feel like it should be my responsibility to drive her? I think she should cancel her appointments until she can actually attend them on her own.
I regret vouching for her because she has become the reason I want to leave my job.
How awful.
I’ve called in sick twice in the past two months since she’s started because my anxiety was so bad. I have tried talking to my psychiatrist about it, my mom, my friends, and everyone is shocked at her behavior too.
I have exhausted everything from ChatGPT to honestly just letting her do whatever and say whatever and I just stay quiet but now I’m being forced to spend alone time with her driving her and something in my body tells me to run.
This is so damn long but I really fear for my safety and not in a way that I feel she will be violent but the anxiety. I have never had someone make me shake as bad as she does when she disrespects me by telling me I’m constantly wrong about things when trying to work with her.
The employee’s frustration is understandable, particularly if Grace is repeatedly undermining established relationships and treating a colleague as though she’s responsible for managing her schedule.
Being coworkers doesn’t automatically make someone a chauffeur, and Grace’s lack of transportation shouldn’t become another employee’s responsibility without prior agreement.
However, quitting before addressing these issues with management might be premature.
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The employee describes seeking advice from friends, family and her psychiatrist, but doesn’t mention formally raising her concerns with a supervisor. Documenting specific incidents and clarifying responsibilities could help establish boundaries without sacrificing a job she otherwise enjoys.
It’s also worth distinguishing between feeling unsafe because of severe anxiety and facing an actual threat. Her distress is clearly real, but nothing in the account suggests Grace has threatened her physically.
That distinction matters when deciding how to approach the situation professionally.
Ultimately, the organization needs to establish clear expectations about collaboration, external relationships and transportation.
Grace may need guidance, but her colleague shouldn’t have to sacrifice her own well-being to provide it.
This person has some questions.
This person has an idea of what to say.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a lifeguard who saves a child only to be confronted by parents angry about the paperwork.
And this person has a bad experience at work as well.
She helped Grace land the job, but now she’s the one looking for an exit.
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