You should always feel like you are the most important person in the world to your spouse, but unfortunately, that is not a reality for everyone.

The wife in this story had a husband who was always putting other people first, including his parents, their dog, and his nephews.

While it is great that he is so helpful to them, it left her feeling alone and neglected, but she doesn’t know what to do about it.

She is in a difficult position to be sure, and this is a hard conversation that she needs to have with him. Read through the full story below and see what you think she should do.

AITAH For not wanting my husband to babysit his parents dogs? And also because I’m jealous of a 5 year old.

I’m not anti dog. We currently have two, but I realize that if my husband and I were to both go out of town, it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to take care of them. (As in we would need to pay someone).

People need to remember that not everyone likes dogs.

My inlaws have two french bulldogs. The are very old and because of the facial deformities of this breed one can barely breathe.

I think it is respectful that when you have people come over if your dog bites or will jump on them etc that you put your dog up. It’s what I do at least or try to do even though my husband insists they be out.

So many dog owners are delusional about their pets.

One of the dogs has bitten me before yet there it is crawling on the couch getting in my face everytime I’m there.

They do the bare minimum to get them to leave me be. This matters to me more than the hot old dog unbrushed teeth breath in my face.

These are also the people that tell me the dog won’t bite me after it has before.

Helping to take care of dogs is very generous.

I don’t say anything. Thank goodness we rarely go to his parents house.

Whenever his parents go out of town on vacation or to visit their parents for a few days, my husband goes over and stays at their house (and goes to work from there) to take care of these dogs, so I don’t see him for days.

He’s given me multiple different excuses over the times he’s had to do it as to why they can’t board them.

They just don’t want to board the dogs, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

The dogs only have rabies vaccines because they are old and don’t want to stress them out, so the kennel won’t accept them because they need all the shots.

The dogs are old and they would worry about them with strangers. This time I said, ‘so hypothetically if these dogs were young they would board them?’

The answer to that was “no”.

Why doesn’t she want him to help out with the dogs?

So, when these dogs get old and die and they inevitably get new french bulldogs (it has to be that breed for them. They have Frenchie art all over there house everything is Frenchie custom) they will just expect buying a new dog (probably plural) that my husband is going to come over there and watch them.

I’m begrudgingly ok with him doing it right now, but if they get new dogs in the future I don’t want him to.

Does it really have to be either/or?

My husband straight up said last night since the dates that I want to go out of town conflict with his parents dates that it’s his job to make “Everyone happy”.

So, he still thinks it’s his job to make his parents happy. It really never was his job, but he’s said before that even into college all his choices he made were to make them happy. (What he doesn’t understand is he still his doing it to the detriment of his wife sometimes).

Miscommunications happen; no big deal.

We had a fight about the conflicting dates last night (last night was also my birthday). We both had miscommunicated with each other.

He told me months ago that his mom was planning a suprise vacation for his dad’s birthday, so he would have to go watch the dogs then. Both of his parents were born in October so I assumed it would be then.

Her husband needs to set boundaries to ensure his parents are asking, not telling.

My dad’s birthday is September 12th he’s a decade older than my in laws and he’s been in really bad health as of late he almost died about 2 months ago.

Last year or the year before, my in laws planned to go out of town on my dads birthday before I could tell my husband that I wanted to go out of town for my dads. I was upset.

Oh, and this trip that they will be going on as far as I know, they didn’t ask my husband if we are planning on going at this date to this date. Does that work for you? They booked their flights and all and expected him to just accommodate, assuming he didn’t have plans and can do it when they want.

Her husband does seem to be flexible on things.

I guess I assumed my husband knew what month my parents were born in since I know when his were.

Well, anyway, come to find out last night that his parents booked that birthday trip on my dad’s birthday. So, I’m the dummy for not assuming that when he told me it would be near his parents birthday that that didn’t mean the month before since it’s the month before.

Anyway, at the end of the fight he was willing to work it out to were I can go because he has to both make his parents happy and me.

The issues with her in-laws go deeper than just the dogs.

I just want some basic respect. I know they don’t think we ever have anything better to do, but I would appreciate being able to talk to my husband about what dates they are going on vacation and see if it works for us BEFORE they book it.

Idk I don’t like his parents because of how the treat me. They feel unwelcome and don’t come to our house. This is probably because I have said “no” politely to them before when they try and steamroll me when I/we want for myself/ourselves conflicts with what they want or think we should or shouldn’t do.

They make me feel like a pariah when my likes/dislikes moral beliefs are different than their’s.

She put a lot of work into a nice birthday present.

Yesterday, when my husband and I had this discussion, it was my birthday. My husband’s was at the beginning of the month and mine is at the end.

I got him, what he told me is the best gift anyone has ever given him. I worked my butt off researching a franchise that he loves that I know nothing about to be able to get him something nice.

Her husband still got a great cake.

He loves cookie cake from a specific store, but I wasn’t going to get it because his parents always have us come to their house (since they feel unwelcome here), so I assumed they would get him one and we didn’t need 2.

You would think since I’m the wife, they would call and ask if I was planning anything before they just decided what we would do. I mean it is really up to my husband what he wants since it is his birthday, so maybe I’m trying to take over too much.

Instead of the cookie cake I tried to make him an actually cake. I even 3d printed a stencil. I was very very sick around this time and realized I couldn’t do it. His parent’s also didn’t order the cookie cake, so I did end up getting that for him.

Everyone is very busy and stressed.

I did all that planning and research on the gift while chaos was erupting in our lives (including my dad being very ill).

My husband does have a lot going on as well (including worries about family members new diagnoses.)

She feels unappreciated, and for good reason.

For my birthday a week ago I got stuff in the mail for my birthday from my mom to this he said “Oh your birthday is soon”

The day of my birthday (yesterday) when he left for work, he had forgotten. Ok understandable you just woke up. I did get a “Oh happy birthday text later”

He didn’t get me anything. He did ask me if there was anything I wanted. I know he’s been busy I know he’s been under stress. I was still able to pull something off for him though.

He isn’t making her the priority.

That’s not really the part that matters comparing his to mine it goes back to this thing with his parents.

It seems with this “oh I’m gonna watch the dogs as a birthday present to my dad but also get him something.” He’s already put more effort into them than me.

Here is another complaint that she has.

Here’s something pathetic I need to admit. I’m really trying not to call it jealousy because it’s pathetic to be jealous of a 5 year old if that’s indeed what it is.

Everytime we are at the store, my husband buys our nephew (husband’s sister’s son that in laws are raising) something.

This kid wants for nothing. My inlaws make very good money and the kid has a bedroom and also a toy room filled with toys and designer clothes. He has in laws buying him stuff, great grandparents buying him stuff, god grandparents buying him stuff etc all of whom have decent money.

At least she recognizes that her jealousy is not a good thing.

Yes, it’s the thought that counts and if you love someone you should make them feel special. I just want to illustrate that our nephew isn’t going without if my husband doesn’tbring him a gift every single time he sees him.

I also don’t mind my husband getting him things but it’s. Every. Single. Time. We go out. And even when we are done he’s trying to think of something to make him (3d print) at home.

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Agian, I’d like to be able say I’m not jealous of a 5 year old because it’s pathetic, but my goodness his nephew has many people putting effort into caring about him and my own husband is doing it and it feels like he isn’t giving me that level of effort and the only other people I have to do it and they do as much as they can living 3 and 5 hours away and having there own sets of issues.

This is the root of the problem. She doesn’t feel like she is the most important thing in his life.

It’s not even really about our nephew. It’s about the 1 person that is supposed to care about me more than anyone puts more effort into other people than to me. They are on his mind it seems.

I remember when my husband brought me home something spontaneous from the store. It was avocados because he was visiting his grandparents and when they went to the grocery store she said these were good. He also gets me a bag of chips sometimes when he gets gas.

He needs to prioritize his wife.

With his parents, back in the past when they would push us to do something that we didn’t want to do (especially in regards to our wedding), it felt like my husband was straddling the fence.

So, it felt like his parents are in each other’s corners but whose in mine?

His parents are quite controlling.

More jealousy is his parents make grand romantic gestures to each other, like this vacation and my husband helps them out.

Whenever my husband has in the past done that for me (really the only one I can think about is our engagement, but probably more that I can’t think of right now, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt) my in laws try do undermine it.

Get the engagement ring she thinks instead of the one I want. Stuff like that.

Her feelings are entirely justified.

I’m tired of her snobby attitude when my opinion differs from her or she thinks what I believe is ridiculous.

Gosh I just want my husband to consider me and put at least as much effort into me as he does for everyone else.

She really needed to vent.

I don’t want him feeling obligated to make his parents happy. I want to make mine happy, but I don’t feel obligated.

(This got off the rails) and I reality don’t want to be home alone while he goes and babysits dogs that no one asked them to buy.

These are all symptoms of one problem. Her husband does not make her a priority in his life. While it is understandable that he has other obligations, he still needs to make her feel special.

Read on to see if the people in the comments have any advice to give that might be helpful.

This commenter offers a few options for the wife.

He isn’t giving her the attention she needs.

Communication issues are the root cause here.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who feels hoodwinked after finding out the sick father she’s been supporting has plenty of money of his own.

Here is someone who thinks she married the wrong guy. That’s pretty harsh.

This couple has some serious communication issues.

She needs to make her feelings clear to her husband, and he needs to take her concerns seriously.