She Doesn’t Consider Her Stepmom Or Siblings Real Family, But She’s Never Told Her Dad
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I can’t even imagine how hard it would be for a child to lose one of their parents. It gets even harder for the surviving parent if they decide to remarry. Their child may or may not like the new spouse and potential step-siblings.
In this story, one teenage girl is in this situation. Her dad has been remarried for quite a while, and she has never liked her stepmom or her stepmom’s family. She’s in therapy, and her dad seems to keep pestering her for answers about how she feels and why she seems resistant to this blended family.
She is very self-aware about how she feels, but she hasn’t told her dad the whole truth. Now, she’s not sure if she should tell him the truth or not.
Let’s read the whole story to decide.
AITA for avoiding my dad’s questions?
My mom died when I was 7 and my dad remarried when I was 10.
I hit it off really terribly with his wife.
She was a single mom of two and thought it was great she was getting another child and her kids were getting a sister.
But I hated that she was labeling us that way.
She didn’t want a new mom.
I yelled at her she was not my mom and her kids were not my siblings and she better never try to say she’s my mom again because my mom was the only mom I would ever accept.
It was a childish and emotion filled outburst and it made my dad put me in therapy.
I was also punished.
He said he wanted me to learn to accept the new family we had despite my grief.
She refused to go to the wedding.
Their wedding day was rough for me.
I locked myself in my bedroom and then wouldn’t go into the church.
My dad told me he was disappointed in me for acting that way and my grandpa ended up staying with me outside.
I was later grounded for causing such a fuss at their wedding.
Her feelings never changed.
After that I basically went with the flow even though my feelings never changed and when they had children together I wasn’t happy or instantly in love.
My dad felt it. He felt it in my cool civility and the fact I never went out of my way to develop my relationships with my stepfamily or spend time with any of them.
I kept to myself. I mostly avoided family activities when I could and when I did go I basically just went along with whatever, never having much interest in what we were doing or a desire to be there.
Therapy didn’t change her feelings.
My dad asked me several times over the years why I was so resistant and we fought a couple of times about my disinterest in our family.
He would ask me to say how I felt and he would come to my therapy sessions to try and get a better understanding of where my head was.
The only thing I ever really said was nothing had changed for me which he didn’t understand.
I moved out last year just after finishing high school and I actually started my own therapy.
Here’s how she really feels…
The truth is I have never considered my dad’s wife or the kids my family. I still consider myself an only child despite having half siblings. They don’t feel like my family because they’re not my moms kids, and she’s not my mom.
And I don’t love them.
I don’t miss them now that I’m not really around. I don’t really want a relationship with them.
I am civil and polite and have been for years now. But I wouldn’t be sad if I didn’t see them again.
She hasn’t been completely honest with her dad.
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My dad has wanted to know for years why I am distant and why I don’t make more of an effort.
I have avoided telling him everything because it will tick him off and before, it was because I knew he would punish me and tell me I was wrong to not love them.
Even though he knows I’m in therapy he doesn’t know why and it ticks him off.
We had a fight again around Halloween because he started asking his questions again and he was upset that I wouldn’t answer them. He told me I need to start telling him stuff.
AITA?
She sounds self-aware, but it would only hurt her dad if she’s completely honest. I don’t think she should have to tell him how she really feels if she doesn’t want to.
Let’s see if Reddit agrees.
This person offers sympathy.
Another person feels sad.
This person thinks she needs to be honest with her dad.
Another person points out where her dad went wrong.
Trying to force a grieving child to accept a stepparent as a replacement parent is a recipe for disaster. I don’t blame her for feeling the way she feels. Maybe she should talk to her therapist about whether or not she should be honest with her dad. There’s no point in making him even more upset than he already is for no reason.
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