Woman’s Brother Shut Her Out Of His Children’s Lives After Moving Across The Country, But Still Expects Her To Send Gifts For Every Occasion
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Family closeness is a two-way street, and some people only want the half that sends presents.
One woman had a brother and sister-in-law who guarded their children’s lives closely, and she respected their privacy and never crossed a boundary.
But when her brother’s family moved across the country, the updates stopped completely. No photos, no calls, no news about the kids.
Things felt even more jarring when the same couple started pressuring her to buy gifts for their children and for themselves.
It’s not the relationship she expected, and with Christmas around the corner, it was starting to wear on her.
Keep reading for the full story.
AITA for not wanting to buy my nieces and nephew gifts anymore
I have two siblings, a brother and a sister.
They both have kids, and my sister is very open about sharing her kids’ lives with me and my parents, whereas my brother (specifically my sister-in-law) are very weird about what they share.
And I totally understand privacy and boundaries.
But she’s starting to feel like these boundaries aren’t all benevolent.
However, my parents and I have never violated any boundaries that they have put into place, have not shared photos of their children, or done anything to make them act this way.
It’s simply a power/control thing from my sister-in-law.
She’s starting to feel isolated from her family.
In July, they moved across the country, and I have not seen photos, talked to, or heard any updates about them or the kids.
My brother and his wife are very quick to keep their kids from their family.
But there’s one big catch.
However, when birthdays and holidays roll around, they’re not at all shy about asking for a gift for their children/themselves or for anything that is of direct benefit to them.
I’m struggling as Christmas gets closer over wanting to buy gifts for the children because I won’t be seeing them to give the gifts, and I don’t even think it’s made known who the gifts are coming from, since we don’t get together for the holiday.
Now she feels totally conflicted about what to do next.
I’m also struggling because I don’t want to punish children for having crappy parents, again, specifically their mother.
But with the state of the world, I also don’t want to spend money when it’s most likely unknown to the children that I’m even sending a gift.
AITA?
This is a tough one.
What did Reddit have to say?
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Giving gifts with no gratitude in return starts to feel like a chore.
Her family can’t have it both ways.
She needs to stop giving her family so much power over her.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an adult child who feels like their family is asking them to donate to a fundraiser beyond their means.
Is giving gifts as an aunt really something traditionally expected?
The brother and his wife want a family when it’s time to receive and a firewall when it’s time to share. That’s a sad way to treat someone who followed every boundary and asked for nothing in return. At this point, her patience is gift enough.
Nobody can blame the aunt for hesitating over Christmas. A present that the kids may never connect to her isn’t much of a present, and it’s not like she gets any gratitude in return for it.
Generosity is a two-way street.
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