There’s something about weddings that people just love to hate. The romance, the love story, the party, the memories – all of those should be great and fun, right?

Well, we know from experience that far too many couples swing and miss on the big day, and these folks are here to tell you the stories of the biggest cringe wedding days they’ve ever witnessed.

Macaroni for the win (and fail).

Potluck wedding with no alcohol or music. Groom kept showing people his flask and bragging about it.

Macaroni was only redeemable thing, when i went to scoop there was hair in it. Very sad.

Sounds like a good time.

Long ago I worked at a banquet hall and witnessed a fully NASCAR themed wedding. During the reception they played the audio of the proposal going out over the PA at the track. It was fully unintelligible. BZZT GABBAGBGA MRRRY MEZZZZZ RROOOOOWWWVROOOM.

Other highlights were the owner locking himself in his office to avoid the bride’s father because he was threatening him to haggle on the costs.

In the end we had to call the police because the bride in gown climbed over the bar to steal more sweet sweet MGD after we had closed the taps and the event was over.

I just cringed for them.

At the reception, the groom and his groomsmen sung a god-awful acapella version of ‘Stand By Me.’

The worst part was he wasn’t even singing it to his wife. He was singing it to his mum.

“Oh darling, darling, stand…. by… me…”

Chinese weddings, man….

From someone who knows.

I’m in the wedding industry. I’ve been to over 3,000 weddings.

The singing-your-vows thing is never ever going to work out like you think it will. Never sing your vows. Never attempt to sing any part of your wedding. It will not go as you visualized it.

A wedding day is not a good time for surprises. Don’t surprise your bride with an unexpected part of the ceremony. Don’t surprise your mom by the wedding itself (true story… the bride told her mom she was going to an engagement dinner). The only exception to this rule is if you give the bride a surprise addition to her ring – grandma’s diamond, a ring made from her parents’ rings, etc..

Jokes about s*x later are never funny. They make people uncomfortable, and it makes you look like an adolescent. There will always be crickets after you make the joke.

If you are going to be late, communicate that to EVERYONE somehow. Have your SO, or your parents, or someone tell everyone you will be late. The staff needs to know, especially.

If you forget the rings, don’t stress it. It’s a funny story. If you forget your vows, wing it as best you can (just don’t sing). Ask the officiant for help for last-minute vows.

Finally, don’t get drunk and be an a**. You don’t want to be that guy. Plus, if you are drunk, you won’t be able to have s*x later!

crickets

We all have that one uncle.

idk, but one of my favorite memories from years of cater waitering was this long Indian wedding where they had a LOT of random relatives get up to give a toast, everyone’s giving these long speeches and then one uncle gets up, goes “i made him waffles once” and sits back down. i swear to god. bless that man, wherever he is

toasts in general are usually terrible and full of cringe. just keep it short, sweet, and genuine. no one wants 15 minutes of inside jokes that are embarrassing and don’t make sense.

Stop it.

In-laws wedding and groom and all groomsmen were wearing a tux and a ball cap.

The groom had a dip of tobacco in during the wedding and I s*%t you not. His grooms cake was designed like a Copenhagen can.

What a coincidence!

Dated a girl in my 20s and went to her friend’s wedding in upstate New York. In the middle of the service the minister’s cell phone rang, he answered, it was God, God wanted to talk to the groom, conversation lasted a couple minutes, then the ceremony continued.

The pinnacle of awkward.

I was a photographer for a wedding where the bride was marrying a man with two kids from a previous relationship. I was in the bridal suite when the bridal party was getting ready and all of the bridesmaids had matching silk robes. The flower girl (groom’s daughter) was there too.

They asked me to take a group photo of the bridal party and one of the women in a silk robe was standing awkwardly to the side. I thought she was just shy or something so I waved her into the photo and the room got DEAD silent and the bride was like “oh no, we don’t want her in the photos” and glared at me like I should’ve known that!

Apparently she was the groom’s ex wife and was there to take care of the flower girl but WHY DID YOU GIVE HER A MATCHING BRIDESMAID ROBE!

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die

Pics so it definitely happened.

This happened right before our wedding. We were set to have my now husband’s family friend that’s a Pastor be our officiant. I am not religious what so ever but open to anything. My husband’s late mother was a Sunday School teacher and so his family is pretty religious.

Anyway, we went to the pastor’s house to go over our wedding plans and everything and he asked me if I was going to center my marriage around God. The answer was no. It got awkward REAL fast. It became a back and forth as to why I won’t accept Jesus and how awful that is. He didn’t like it either we were getting married at a country club. He then refused to do the wedding. We scrambled and found our town’s Mayor to marry us. I made my own ceremony and wrote the whole thing from scratch.

Then the day of the wedding the Mayor mentioned her recent back surgery and just wanted to get this over with. She called my husband “Eric” multiple times – his name is Evan and she was high on painkillers so she went off script there for a bit. Have you ever watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? Yeah she did the whole marriage is a circle script. It took everything we had not to die laughing.

And that pastor? He showed up and watched the whole thing go down. We got a picture with him at our wedding. Him and his wife cropped us out of it and he made it his profile picture.

You can’t blame them.

At my cousin’s wedding, they did the thing where the groom removes the bride’s garter and tosses it to all the single guys.

I guess none of the guys wanted to be next to be married, because once the groom tossed the garter, no one grabbed it. It just landed on the ground a few feet in front of a crowd of motionless guys.

The groom tossed the garter 3 times before one guy halfheartedly picked it off the ground. The bride wouldn’t look at any of those guys for the rest of the night.

They definitely should have hired someone else.

The minister (or pastor?) used to date the bride and gushed about how wonderful she was. Told the groom if he ever died not to worry, he’d take care of her.

I was shell shocked. I so wished I could think of a reason to ask the couple for a copy of the video of their wedding but couldn’t quite find a legit one.

Why though???

My uncle not only brought up his daughters ex boyfriend in his speech but talked about their toxic relationship for a solid 5 minutes.

I highly recommend preparing a speech before talking in front of a room full of people.

Depressing for sure.

I wasn’t a guest, I was working the wedding. The bride got drunk and sat on some other dudes lap for two hours and flirted with him while the groom sat by himself at the head table with a defeated look on his face.

Weirdest priest ever.

Not the couple, the Pastor kept saying “Our Heavenly Father, Daddy God,” while marrying them.

Edit: thanks for the gold! For context it was a military wedding. It was just the couple and the pastor, it was live streamed on twitch, and the pastor was probably about 25. It was in Hawaii. He was wearing flip flops, and a lei made of fake flowers.

Definitely don’t do this.

Speeches. My God, the speeches! Here’s the back story. The reception was scheduled for right after the ceremony but at a different location. We couldn’t eat until the wedding party got there.

They showed up 2 hours late because they were cruising around on the party bus and drinking. After showing up they decided to do the speeches before dinner. Speeches from the best man, the maid of honor, a few parents and random people.

I’ve never listened to so much boring crap. It took more than an hour to get through them all. So basically everyone sat around with no music and no food for 3 hours!

The bar wouldn’t open either so we had only water to drink. Nearly everyone, including me, left after eating. It was disrespectful to their guests.

Some people go to a lot of weddings.

Groom changed who his “Best Man” was and didn’t tell the original BM until the start of the ceremony.

Bride & Groom asked a guest to bartend the reception AT the reception

Groom “dirty danced” with his step-mom (full hands on a**).

Bride & Groom hauled their wedding party up to do a choreographed dance to Meatloaf’s ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Lights’ but didn’t give them any pre-warning or teach them the dance. That song is 8.5 minutes long.

Wedding was at a scenic boarding school campus during the summer. Guests were told dormitories were complimentary to stay in. Guests were not told there would be no bedding provided or A/C in the building. Groom later emailed everyone who stayed in a dorm asking for money.

Same Bride & Groom chose another friend’s wedding reception as the right setting to yell at a 3rd pair of mutual friends for not including them in their wedding party.

What an awful woman.

I worked as a wedding videographer. This is the only Bridezilla I encountered in ten years. This girl was so self centered she kept everyone waiting at her outdoor ceremony for more than an hour while she was pampered in the makeup chair. While she’s having them redo this and touch up that, she’s sort of making up her wedding vows in a very relaxed, casual manner completely inappropriate for the hundred people sweating under full summer sun waiting on her. Her aunt came in and very gently reminded her people were waiting on her and that it’s been more than an hour and she threw a tantrum, screaming, “I feel like everyone’s forgetting this is MY DAY!!!”

Eventually she comes out, “vows” are lame and borderline incoherent, and one of the groomsmen, sweltering under coat and vest and shirt and sun, passes out from heat exhaustion. The officiant whispers to ask the couple if they should stop and make sure he’s okay and she goes, “Nah, he’s just being dramatic, keep going!”

As the couple is headed back up the aisle, an ambulance can be seen arriving to tend to the poor overheated groomsman.

No she did not.

Requiring every attendee to bring a date because she didn’t want “sad, lonely people on her day”.

Not my friends luckily but pretended to be a friend’s date because she really wanted to see her cousin get married.

Y’all, don’t do any of these things.

Please.

Still, I’m laughing so hard!