One of the things parents look forward to from day one is being able to one day embarrass their kids simply by existing.

I mean, they’re total jerks as teens, so this is basically the only way we can get through those years, right?

If you’re in that phase of life and are looking for new and exciting ways to get it done, here are some phrases you might want to adopt.

This will make everyone cringe.

To agree with something she says reply “Factsssss!”

You don’t have to know what it means.

Just say “whatup fam?” Then when they get mad yell “worldstar”

They’re classics for a reason.

My dad used to go into Carls Jr and call everyone Carl. Go into Wendy’s and call everyone Wendy.

Go into a Five Guys and ask if you can speak to the other four guys.

Dress up, too.

I am taking my 14 year old daughter and her friends to an Anime convention.

They are all dressing up to cosplay anime characters.

I decided to dress up as Indiana Jones, And I guess that is the worst thing in the world and now I am an a$$hole it seems

She knows exactly what she is doing.

Ugh, my 60 year old mother loves to say things are ”the puff daddy” when she thinks something is awesome or superior.

So you should probably point out things that you also find to be the “puff daddy”. /cringes

Never miss an opportunity.

When something surprises you, say you are “shook”

My 13 year old’s most overused term. But if she’s REALLY shook, she’s shooketh.

This made me giggle.

Wondering what she’s up to today? Spice things up by saying “Ayy what’s gucci fam? We’re heading to the park wana join? It’s gonna be lit.”

Just wait for it.

Wuss poppin’ Jimbo?

She’s onto you.

I used the “You ain’t woke fam. I’m too lit.” on my 15 yr old daughter. I’m 46.

Her exact response, walking by without looking at me. “I don’t even think you understand what you are saying.”

Make sure you write it down.

“Sweetie, you’re at a critical point in your life. The choices you make now can determine the outcome of your future. This is why I need you to promise me you’ll take school seriously.

The sky is the limit if you just try. I only tell you this because I love you and I want you to be woke as f**k.”

This is epic.

About a month ago I shared with my wife the novel meaning of “smash”.

A couple days after that while our son was home for the holidays, we’d arrived back home as our son was heading out with his girlfriend.

Wife asked him what he was up to, he said they were heading out to the shopping center. He asked us what we were gonna do as he headed towards the car.

Without missing a beat my wife said “Your dad and I are gonna smash”.

He stopped in his tracks for a moment, then kept going.

She asked, “Did I not say it right?”

He replied, “Just… don’t.” Didn’t break stride, couldn’t get in the car fast enough.

Handle with care.

I try to embarrass my daughter every chance I get as I feel it is truly a dads job to do such things. She unfortunately doesn’t react the way I would like. She finds it cool that I’m on top of pop culture.

I even went so far as picking her up in my (what I deem an old peoples car) ride with Kendrick Lamar blaring. I was bopping my head, instead of the utter embarrassment her friends started dancing around, and I’ve become the “cool” dad. Now I’ve gotta do this all the time when I get her from school.

Its also led to her friends coming over all the time and listening to music at top volume. My daughter trolled me while I was trying to troll her. Be careful it backfires.

Pick your tune.

while you’re reading the paper just quietly and slowly say “gucci gang… gucci gang… gucci gang… gucci gangggg” in whatever tune you feel like. I’d recommend channeling sinatra

You have options.

Say bruh after literally every sentence

If you want to be a British 50 year old dad trying to embarrass your daughter, just do the formal;

bruvh

Mixed responses.

I’m partial to saying “I’m finna pop a goog” instead of “I’m going to google this thing”

I’ve received mixed responses

Take it old school.

My dad never used slang terms. He did things like ask if I applied my rash cream and if my gum disease was bothering me in front of people.

My mother dropped my brother off at a party, he got her to park far away so no one would see, so she drove past him and his friends and yelled out the window “Bye James, love you”

I guess it worked.

I always tell my daughter, “Word, Yo” whenever she wants me to do something for her. She doesn’t ask me much anymore.

Definitely putting these in my back pocket.

They’re going to come in handy someday, I just know it.