Once you get to a certain age you mostly stop caring what random people think about you, inside or out.

That said, no one likes to be called ugly, and we all need to have that perfectly-crafted response in our back pocket – and here are some people say have worked really well.

Ba-dum-ching.

I’m ugly? If the Catholic Church saw you they’d start promoting ab**tions.

Double barrelled ouch

“Well, I guess we’re in this together”

Or:

“I hope that’s the only thing we have in common.”

Do your own thing.

As a physically ugly person, I wouldn’t dignify this with an answer. I’ve only had a few people actually blurt that out to me, and I just keep doing my own thing.

Oh the guilt always does it.

complete emotional and mental breakdown followed by lifetime in a psych ward

Psychological warfare with guilt.

Give them nothing.

Nothing. Why would you waste time justifying a troll who says hurtful things for reaction?

With plenty of disdain.

My classic go-to has always been “coming from you I’ll take it as a compliment.”

Drive them crazy.

Just a smile at them and a chuckle.

Genuinely laughing at someone when they’re aggressive and trying to hurt your feelings drives people crazy.

The double whammy.

I may be ugly but at least I ain’t got no money.

Pew pew.

Right back atcha (finger guns)

The finger guns are important. Doesn’t work without the finger guns.

Then a fist bump.

Someone once told me that my wife was way out of my league.

She is way more beautiful than me.

I just said, well that’s cause I have a huge (ahem).

She looked at them and nodded. We are team.

Put them on your heels.

Thank you. Very kind of you to say.

Then shake their hand. Keep them confused.

Zero chill.

My old “work wife” would frequently share stories about how her parents would just lay into each other on a regular basis.

Her mom would say, “How did I become shackled in marriage to this sad, pathetic, fat loser?” and her dad would reply, “I may be sad, pathetic, and fat, but I got myself a beautiful wife, who’s the real loser?”.

Hassan had no chill whatsoever.

A classic for a reason.

Didn’t seem to bother your mother.

Perfect for kids.

“Well, you look exactly like me, so…”

When my 9 yr old daughter tries it on me.

I was young and cute once, too!

Behold your future

Get in their heads.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

I figure if I sound really broken down and pathetic that they’ll feel really bad about themselves for being cruel and it’ll become one of those memories that randomly pops up years in the future while they’re lying in bed trying to go to sleep.

Shut it down.

The fastest way to shut someone down like that is actually to agree.

Just say “Yep, I am” to everything they say and it usually isn’t much because once they realize they aren’t going to respond the way they want you to, they will huff and puff and then leave.

People say mean stuff to get a rise out of people. Don’t give it to them.

Just what I like.

“Aw yeah keep insulting me… i’m almost there“

Definitely going to tuck some of these away.

Here’s hope it’ll be awhile before I have to use one.