Dealing with your significant other’s family is one of those things that we all have to do, and for most of us, it will never be the second family we might have hoped.

That said, we try our best because we know they’re important to our partner.

OP’s mother-in-law has never been nice to her.

Throwaway account for privacy reasons. I (28F) have been with my bf (32M) for almost 5 years, living together since the first lockdown.

His mother (71F) never liked me, mainly she has issues with my parents and background, my height and my line of work. I don’t really have a relationship with her due to her being mean to me, I really tried at first but gave up because insults never stopped.

Last year her long term partner died and his kids kicked her out of his house about a month ago.

Her parents helped her buy a flat that she now rents out as her boyfriend lives with her.

I own a very small studio apartment that my parents bought me when I was going to university (a tenant lives there now) and a 3 bedroom house where me and my bf live now.

Again, my parents helped me buy it by giving me ~45% of downpayment. Bf contributed to nothing nor did I ask him.

His mom is temporarily living at her sister’s and is increasingly unhappy about not having her own space. She can’t afford to move anywhere on her own.

Now, his mother needs some place to live (because she’s estranged from her other kids) and she wants to move into OP’s flat.

Without consulting me, bf brought up my apartment to her and implied she could move in there.

When he told me about it I said absolutely not, first I’m not kicking out a good tenant, second she’s been mean to me, third my parents (that she’s been badmouthing) paid for that apartment so that I could have a head start in life and not for his mother to have a comfortable retirement.

He asked to at least pay a deposit for an apartment, I said no – his mother, his problem.

OP said no for several good reasons.

I saw text messages where she calls me a b—-, no way I’m helping someone who’s this mean to me. We had a huge fight and he said I’m spoiled, selfish and this is why he didn’t want to marry me in the first place (I did bring up marriage some time ago and he did not give me a straight answer at the time).

Now, I don’t think I’m selfish or spoiled. My bf has been living at my place rent free for nearly 4 years, I also gave him ~5000€ when he was buying a car and he never returned the money.

We earn a very similar amount of money, which is above our countries average yet he has no savings while I have a lot.

He could have saved tons of money while he was living at my place rent free, instead he took up expensive hobbies and bought his ‘dream car’.

I on the other hand am very frugal and even my own car is worth less than what I contributed to his car.

Now, her boyfriend (and others) is making her question herself.

My bf’s cousin who’s also my friend told me I’m being a bit of an asshole and should help his mom as she’s old and has nobody else.

Her being mean is just what she is, she can’t help it. I do agree that I could easily help her but it’s not true she has nobody else.

She has 2 kids of her own (her daughter is no contact with her) and if she needs my help so bad, the least she could do is apologise for being rude to me and ask for it herself.

So AITA?

Does Reddit think she should help an old woman out? Let’s find out!

The top comment says this lady needs to have more respect for herself.

This person agrees that OP needs to re-evaluate.

Because they’re both taking advantage of her.

Red flags are flying everywhere.

They hate to see her taken advantage of.

I agree with all of these commenters.

Hopefully this post has been a wakeup call for OP as well.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.