Family dynamics are complicated in the best of times, and when parents want to wiggle out of some of the day-to-day duties, it can really upset the apple cart.

Older siblings often find themselves responsible for younger ones here and there.

That said, most parents wouldn’t leave any of the heavy lifting of child raising to another child, no matter how old they had gotten.

This young woman has been guilted into shouldering some of the burden for too long, and doesn’t want to do it anymore.

AITAH for telling my mother that I’m not playing replacement parent to her kids anymore?

I (23F) currently live with my mother (45F). A couple of weeks ago I left due to an argument and didn’t come back until yesterday.

When I came back she called me into her room to talk and had her friend on the phone. This particular friend is supposed to be my godfather even though I’ve never met him

When she got back from her cool-down, they told her that it was irresponsible of her to leave and her siblings missed her.

When I came into the room the friend said that he was glad that I was home and that I needed to stop lashing out and not leave again.

I told him that leaving for a little while was what was best for my mental health. He and my mother both said “No it’s not” and I replied with “Maybe it’s not to you but it was to me and you can’t tell me what is and what isn’t good for my mental health”.

They said that my siblings missed me and hate it when I leave.

I said that that’s what happens when you grow up around other children. Eventually they grow up and leave and live their own lives

Her mom wants her to manage more of the day-to-day drudge with the other kids.

They changed the subject and started talking about my siblings (19M 16M and 13F) saying that I needed to do more to help my mother with them and make sure that they do what they’re supposed to do (like chores, schoolwork, etc.).

I told her no. I’ve been basically raising my siblings my whole life and I wasn’t going to play replacement parent to them anymore.

And plus she’s asked me to help before and when I tried she wouldn’t listen and all she did was get angry at me and say “You’re not the mother. I am”.

Besides they’re all old enough to know what their supposed to do

My mother said that she’s tired and needs a break and can’t work and take care of them at the same time and really needs my help.

I told her that I’ve been helping her without even a thank you and now I’m done and need to start figuring out and living my own life.

Her and her friend called me selfish and said that I only look at it that way because of my mindset and that I need to change my mindset and help the family more

She stood her ground and said she is done playing mom when she’s not the mom, she’s their sister.

I stood my ground and said that I just wanted to focus on myself from now on and that my siblings are old enough to know what they’re supposed to do and if they don’t do it then she needs to discipline them.

Her friend asked me what I think the proper discipline should be and I said that’s up to my mother. He said that’s too much work for her to do and asked why she should have to worry about things like that after getting off of work and said that I should do it

I stood my ground and said “No. You’re asking me to play mommy to them which I’m not going to do. I’m the big sister not the mother.”

They called me a selfish asshole for not wanting to be a part of the family and helping. So AITAH?

They all have different dads and none of them are around.

A few people are asking where our father is. We all have different dad’s. I never knew mine.

My mother and 19Ms father broke up when I was 6 and I never saw him again after that.

A year later my mother met and married 16M and 13Fs father and he died about 3 years ago.

But even when he was alive I still did everything while they stayed in their room doing whatever

I have a feeling other oldest kids can relate.

Let’s see what Reddit had to tell her!

Maybe her godfather should put his money where his mouth is.

The bottom line is, it’s not her job to parent her siblings.

Also, she is a full grown adult.

Way too many kids can relate.

They want her to know they have options.

It’s time for some physical space.

It sounds like that’s all that’s going to convince her mom she’s serious.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.