Planning for a wedding can be exciting. Every couple is different and will want to participate in, or skip, various traditions to make the event their own.

Sometimes, however, friends or family can try to plan things out in secret to add to the experience.

In this story, a friend of the groom planned out a bachelor party, even though OP and her fiancé did not want one.

Once they found out about it, OP said that she did not want it to happen and had the whole thing canceled.

Let’s read on and see if she was wrong for ruining the party.

AITA for canceling my fiancés “surprise” bachelor party?

So my fiancé (25M) and I (26F) are getting married in 5 days.

For context we are having a DIY wedding with about 80 guests who are coming to our backyard.

I’m 6 months pregnant.

We don’t have a “wedding party” although my fiancé asked his brother to be his unofficial best man, but it’s just a sentiment and doesn’t come with any real role.

This seems like it will be a very nice wedding. I’m with OP on this, I think bachelor and bachelorette parties are usually a big mistake.

We decided early on we weren’t interested in having bachelor or bachelorette parties because we don’t really believe in the significance behind them of “celebrating your freedom.”

We told the unofficial best man and maid of honor we weren’t interested in and not to worry about it.

Some people just can’t accept that these types of parties aren’t for everyone.

Last night my fiancés mom said something about one of my finance’s friends (let’s call him Tom) “planning” something for Thursday.

We get married on Saturday and have a rehearsal dinner on Friday.

Tom is not the best man and no conversation about him being a best man has ever occurred.

My fiancé texted Tom, saying he heard something about a plan for Thursday and wanted to know what was up.

I’ll be honest, it does seem like Tom had the best of intentions here. But he really shouldn’t have done it behind their backs.

Immediately Tom FaceTime’d us and he sheepishly admitted he was planning a bachelor party. He went into some details about the plan (mostly getting drunk) and said that my friends had planned something for me.

The gist of it was basically that he planned a party and invited everyone but me and my closest female friends.

He really put a lot of work into the party, which is nice. But the bottom line is, OP and the groom did not want this type of thing and it is their big event.

I was so shocked at the lengths he had gone to coordinate this behind our backs (including picking people up from an airport that’s 2 hours away, contacting dozens of our friends he had either met briefly or didn’t know at all, and also finding my mom on Facebook to get someone to plan something for me) I didn’t know how to respond.

My fiancé didn’t know what to say either and looked at me like it was my decision to call this off or not.

I said something along the lines of “omg no, we don’t want bachelor parties I’m not interested in this.”

OP was definitely in a difficult position here. I feel bad for her.

I felt very put on the spot but also bad for clearly ruining weeks of planning.

On one hand it seems sweet that Tom went so out of his way to plan and coordinate this event, but on the other hand it seems like a huge overstep to do it without any input from us.

I also think he knows us well enough to know that if we were asked we would say we aren’t interested, and that’s why it was planned in secret.

If we hadn’t heard something beforehand it would have been a complete ambush right before our wedding.

I can’t explain how much panic I would have felt if Tom showed up unannounced on Thursday to take my fiancé away on a secret bachelor party night.

It would have ruined the entire night and probably the next day, even if my friends had planned something for me.

(Again, I’m pregnant. Whatever they had planned for me wasn’t a wild night, whereas knowing Tom, his was).

This is a difficult situation for sure.

My fiancé agrees with me that the whole thing is ridiculous but if I had said ok I think he would have gone along with the plan just to be polite.

AITA?

It is all too common in life for everyone involved in a situation to have the best of intentions, but things to still go wrong because of different desires or personalities.

OP and her fiancé are absolutely NTA for not wanting a bachelor party and calling it off.

In my opinion, Tom is also NTA (though he should have checked with OP and the fiancé before he started planning).

Maybe the could compromise and have a party with everyone (including OP and her friends) that is more low key?

It is a hard situation for sure. Let’s see what other people had to say.

This is a good point, but if OP (or the fiancé) doesn’t want a bachelor party, people should respect that.

I understand where this comment is coming from, but it ignores the fact that bad things often happen at bachelor parties. Especially when there is a lot of drinking involved.

This is a good summary of the situation. I agree that there is NAH.

Of course the fiancé would have had fun, but he respects the fact that OP isn’t comfortable with it. Nothing wrong with that.

I think this is a good compromise that OP should consider.

Not everyone wants a bachelor party.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.