Helping to take care of aging parents can be difficult, but in most cases it is the right thing to do.

What would you do if your father was neglecting your mother, and then got offended when he was called out on his lifelong anger and neglect?

That is what happened to the daughter in this story, and she isn’t sure if she should have stood up for herself.

Check it out.

AITA for telling my dad the truth when he complained about taking care of my mom?

I (42 F) am an only child.

My dad was horrifically verbally abusive.

This is important for our story.

My mom (78 F) is in the early stages of dementia.

Wow, he sounds awful.

She lives with my dad (81 M) who is of sound (and exceptionally angry) mind.

I do not think he is providing for her well right now, so I am taking steps with my wife (40 F) to move my mother in with us.

For backstory, my father yells. Screams, to be accurate.

I had a routine of hiding in my closet while my dad would tear into my mom, shouting until he could barely speak.

I don’t know how my neighbors didn’t call the cops or CPS or something.

Anyway, this explains how I grew up and brings us to the other day at my parents’ house.

My mom’s been having some accidents at night.

This is neglect.

I found out she was experiencing concussion symptoms as she had fallen down the stairs and hit her head.

But my dad refused to call an ambulance/hospital/doctor because it was too big of an inconvenience!

I knew nothing about this, and it happened over a week ago!

Then he admitted she might be acting “funny” because she hadn’t been taking her pills.

I went through everything and found full bottles, but not taking. My dad just shrugged and kept watching TV.

The final straw was her nutrition.

Both of them are type 2 diabetics, and they eat whatever they want.

I asked what she usually eats, and he said she’s never hungry, so he doesn’t know.

With her standing right there, he complained her interrupting his sleep.

He’s retired with no responsibilities, but he’s furious that he’s expected to get up to assist her.

Now she is suddenly, and “totally unprovokedly” getting angry/yelling at HIM during these episodes!

She’s been snapping at him, saying she should have divorced him years ago and she can’t believe how he’s treating her after the years she tended to his health!

Some people can’t see their own faults.

Then this man had the gall to ask me what he ever did that was sooo bad that he should be spoken to in such a way.

And, welp, here’s where I may be the AH:

I said maybe she finally had enough and decided to stand up for herself.

Maybe his screaming and shredding her nerves met its expiration date, and I was glad she was standing up for herself.

Well. He lost his mind and said he understands his place, that he was NEVER ONCE appreciated.

After getting my mom some actual dinner, I left.

I called the next day to see if she took her pills.

Before I ended the call I told him I didn’t want to fight and I loved him.

He said he knows where he stands and hung up.

We are taking her soon and arranging daytime care. She also has several doctor’s appointments lined up.

I would say she didn’t go far enough.

But, did I go too far?

I don’t think he’s capable of taking responsibility or ownership of his abuse.

He sees himself as infallible.

Should I have been telling the truth when I could have just pretended for the sake of peace?

AITA?

If he is of sound mind, then he deserved to hear the truth, even if he doesn’t like it.

Let’s look at what some of the people in the comments think.

Sometimes the truth hurts.

This commenter thinks she is heroic.

Good advice right here.

I would as well.

Focus on taking care of mom.

This guy will never take responsibility for his actions.

There’s no point in asking.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.