Father Tells His Daughter She Is Smart And Hardworking But Not Gifted, But The Comment Hurt Her Feelings And Upset His Wife
by Heather Hall
Parents always want the best for their kids, but sometimes, well-meaning words can be taken the wrong way.
So, what would you do if a comment meant to offer perspective ended up hurting your child’s feelings instead?
Would you backtrack to make everyone happy?
Or would you stick to your point, knowing it came from a place of love?
In the following story, one father finds himself in this exact situation and wonders if he should’ve just stayed quiet.
Here’s the full story.
AITA for telling my daughter that she is smart and hardworking but not gifted.
My wife and I both have electrical engineering degrees, but I no longer work in the field and am a manager.
We have a daughter (15F) and a son (17M), and both will be heading to university next month.
My son is doing a BA and has not yet picked his major, but my daughter will be studying physics and computer science.
My son is also very smart and is a history and language nerd.
My daughter is smart and hardworking and is attending college at an earlier age than usual.
She was in a school program for gifted kids.
It all started during a simple conversation.
We were having a conversation at dinner the other day, and my wife mentioned how proud she was of our daughter and how lucky we were to have gifted children going to good university programs.
How not many people can do what our daughter did.
I was also very happy, but I said that while (daughter) is really hardworking and smart, I would not say that she is actually gifted, and others can do it if they put in the same amount of work.
Her school does a lot to try to admit girls into her program, and my wife helped teach her advanced college level math and physics from an earlier age, she didn’t naturally pick it up on her own.
If anything, being a younger applicant with the same credentials probably helped her stand out more for the admissions committee.
Now, his wife and daughter are both upset with him.
I have seen how people can ruin their lives by thinking they are ‘gifted’ and it going to their head, so I just wanted to caution her about that.
Both my wife and daughter are upset at me now, my wife thinks I was trying to put her down which is not true and says she is gifted.
While my daughter actually agrees with me but says I should not have said it as she already knows.
It might not come across in the post, but I am genuinely proud and happy for my kids, and beyond what I described here, there was a lot of complimenting and celebration on my part.
AITA?
He meant well, but it’s easy to see how the words were taken wrong.
Let’s check out what the fine folks over at Reddit have to say about his situation.
Here’s an excellent point.
This person is spot on.
That would be great info to know.
As this comment points out, she’s definitely gifted.
He needs to be a little easier on her.
Yes, his comment came from a place of love, but this is one of those things you should never say to your child, especially one achieving so much at such a young age.
If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.

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