Taking your nieces or nephews out for a fun day together can be a great experience for everyone involved.

What would you do if you were planning on only taking your nieces to a big event, but then your nephew wanted to come but he struggles with behavioral issues?

That is what the Aunt in this story is dealing with, and her sister-in-law is upset that she won’t take all the kids.

Check it out.

AITA for taking my biological nieces on days out and excluding my adopted nephew?

I (42F) have two nieces Flo (14F), Ivy (11F) and a nephew Ryan (10M) through my bro Tom (46M) and SIL Kate (45F).

Flo and Ivy are biologically theirs and they adopted Ryan two years ago after fostering him for three years.

I live locally to them, we are super close usually and have my own daughter Ava (12F) who my nieces are close to.

Before foster care, Ryan’s life was awful and he has some behavioral and developmental issues.

He struggles to sit through long things such as shows quietly, whether it be in the theatre or the girls’ plays/ recitals so the girls rarely have both parents supporting them.

His behavior is sometimes pretty unpredictable and he sometimes has pretty loud and physical meltdowns so they have to be careful where they take him.

This is very kind.

As such, whenever me/hubby take Ava to the theatre or other activities which Ryan wouldn’t like, we bring the girls along too.

Sometimes Tom and Kate pay for them, sometimes we do.

We have never brought Ryan out without his parents and sisters because he has really different interests to the girls, I don’t feel confident handling his behavior and Flo and Ivy have expressed that they really value the Ryan-free time.

It is good to pay extra attention to Ryan as well, I wonder what he is doing?

I’ve made extra effort to be there since then; Ryan’s a great kid but he needs a lot of attention and my nieces need people who are 100% in their corner.

Anyways, I am taking the girls to a Christmas theme park in London on Friday.

It’s quite an expensive one (UK readers, if you know, you know) and I have the joy of footing the bill for all three.

On Sunday, I got a call from Kate asking if Ryan could come with us on Friday.

He had seen adverts and heard the girls talking about it, and wants to go.

She offered to pay for whatever he did.

I’m sure this was a hard decision.

I told Kate no as I didn’t know what he was like in crowds, she said he went two years ago and loved it, and his sisters were there to help him if he was struggling.

I said that wasn’t fair on them, I booked it as a girl’s trip and it is supposed to be a treat and I don’t want it getting cut short and I don’t feel comfortable having the girls act as parents.

I know Tom’s taking Ryan to London next week so told Kate to book tickets on that day, but by that point she wasn’t listening.

She criticized me for insinuating siblings caring for each other was ‘parentifying’, and accused me of being ableist as Ryan can’t help his conditions and shouldn’t be excluded, as well has being biased against the kid I’m not related to.

It got very fiery and ended with me saying read the room, it’s a girls day and her hanging up.

It isn’t fair to keep the girls home after this has been planned.

Anyways, she went to the girls and said either they ask me for Ryan to come or they can’t go.

Flo texted me begging to not let him come and asking if they can still join us, while Ivy is more torn up as she doesn’t want her brother to be left out but also doesn’t want to risk her day being ruined.

My mother, Tom, and sister have contacted me saying I should bring Ryan as to not show favorites and to be inclusive.

Husband is on my side.

AITA?

That is a really tough situation.

Would it be possible to start doing some special things with just Ryan so he doesn’t feel excluded?

Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything to say about this situation.

This person points out that this may not be a good environment for Ryan.

Good question right here.

Here is someone who has a child who struggles with similar issues.

This person says that this event is not a good option for Ryan.

Yup, one of the parents should come along to help with Ryan.

It isn’t fair to demand that she take Ryan as well.

This is definitely a tricky situation.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.