There’s no doubt in the fact that it can get tricky for a child to accept a new parent.

While sometimes a child may grow to think of a step-parent as a “mom” or a “dad,” that isn’t always the case.

Find out how this family got in a tough spot when a little girl refused to call her step-mom “mom.”

Should she be forced to call her “mom”?

Keep reading for the whole story.

AITA for siding with my daughter over my wife over adoption and what she calls her?

I (35M) have an 11 year old daughter Hayley with my ex.

My ex died when Hayley was 2 but I was already a single parent to Hayley at that point.

He has taught his daughter certain things about her real mom…

Hayley knows about her mom, knows in an age appropriate way about her mom’s struggles and that she wasn’t in her life prior to her death.

I had a therapist help me navigate those talks, and Hayley still attends therapy at times so she can work on any lingering questions she has or any lingering sadness/grief about the way her mom’s life turned out.

This is where it gets rough…

I met my wife Amy (33F) when Hayley was 4.

Hayley was 6 when they first met. I admit it took a while.

I was cautious and didn’t want to risk Hayley getting attached if things didn’t work out and I wanted to be sure Amy was aware of what she was signing up for by being with me.

A huge part of me worried Hayley would struggle. But they got along great the first time they met and it was amazing to witnessed them grow closer.

Things were great initially!

Amy was great with Hayley and Hayley enjoyed having Amy around. Hayley was 7 when Amy and I got married.

After the wedding Hayley asked Amy if she could call her Suds, a nickname Amy’s family uses for her. Amy was thrilled Hayley wanted to use that nickname.

Things were good.

There were some questions asked on Amy’s side about what Hayley would call them. She uses first names for most people and nicknames for a few people who have them used most often.

They wanted more…

There was some grumbling from Amy’s parents at one point about not being grandma and grandpa but Amy told them the decision was Hayley’s and they should hope one day they earn those titles.

Things changed when Amy was pregnant with our daughter Summer (7 months).

Suddenly Amy was more hurt by Hayley calling her Suds or by her first name and she was bothered by the fact Hayley would say Amy was her stepmom or her dad’s wife depending on the people she was talking to.

He was torn between the two…

Stepmom was more common but at times she’d say Amy was my wife.

Amy and I talked about it. I told her nothing had changed and she told me that was the problem.

She was giving Hayley a sister and it bothered her that she hadn’t earned the title of mom in Hayley’s eyes.

Then she said she’d be home with Summer so doing more for Hayley and it stung to think she’d be acting as a mom but not recognized as hers.

They tried making it work…

We spoke to a family therapist together at my request and after several sessions we brought Hayley in for a little bit.

The therapist told Amy not to worry and Hayley loved her. She didn’t need to be mom for their relationship to be good.

But it didn’t settle Amy.

We’re now at the point where Amy has not let this go. Without saying anything to me she asked Hayley to let her adopt her.

Hayley simply didn’t want her step-mom to be her mom.

Hayley’s response that she loves Amy but didn’t want to be adopted by her.

I found out about Amy asking from Hayley.

I was upset.

Amy was upset that I was upset.

Amy wants to be Hayley’s mom.

She told me she doesn’t want to continue like things are. She said she wants Hayley to call her mom or some variant of mom at least.

She wants to adopt Hayley too and make their relationship more than just guardianship which she already has.

When Hayley told me what happened we talked and she was honest that she didn’t want to be adopted.

She was sad Amy was upset and didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

This wasn’t getting any better…

But Amy’s feelings are hurt and she’s upset that I chose Hayley’s feelings over hers.

She told me I should at least tell Hayley to call her mom.

I told her that should be Hayley’s choice just like she told her parents.

She said she really believed those titles could be earned but that belief has died.

I asked if that was such a deal breaker for her and she said yes because she hates hearing Hayley use her name or her nickname and she always calls me dad.

Now it’s gotten rough…

Amy has confided in her parents about everything and they told me I was doing Amy wrong by siding with Hayley over her.

They said it’s about respect and not just feelings and it’s disrespectful for Hayley to not call Amy mom after all this time.

AITA?

GEEZ! That sounds so exhausting for the child!

She should let Hayley stick to the nickname they originally agreed on.

Let’s find out what folks on Reddit have to say about this one.

This user thinks Amy knew the circumstances since day one and is asking for too much.

That’s right! This user is thinking from Hayley’s perspective.

This user thinks Amy is the one being disrespectful to her step-daughter.

This user thinks Amy needs to grow up and not push a child towards calling her a mom.

That’s right! This user suggests getting therapy again.

The stepmom needs to consider the stepdaughter’s feelings.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.