What would you do if you had family members from out of town visiting when you already had other plans with friends?

Would you skip your plans to prioritize your family, or would you try to find a way to see your family at another time that doesn’t conflict with your plans?

In today’s story, a mother and daughter are arguing about a scheduling conflict where one of them might have to miss out on something they had already planned in order to see their family members.

Let’s read all the details.

AITA for telling my mum my commitment is more important to hers to change the date of a family get together?

Alright my mum and I continue arguing about this, calling each other selfish (I actually haven’t said that but she said it to me and I said “no that’s you”)

So, my aunt and cousin told us a few days ago they are visiting in 2 weekends.

They live further away and we see each other around once or twice a year.

2 days ago, my mum told me we were going to meet all together (them, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) on the Sunday they are here.

She has a scheduling conflict.

I told her right away that I couldn’t make it on Sunday as it’s one of my best friend’s birthday and she had already planned a day of it and I said I’d go.

I asked her if they could change it to Saturday instead.

She told me she had a theater play at 8pm that day but she would ask the group if it was possible.

They can’t move it to Saturday.

Today she told me it wasn’t possible because of her play.

Since grandparents are coming, they have to bring them back to their houses after lunch which is 1h away, then get back and go to the play.

The others coming who live close to the grandparents don’t have enough space in their cars.

She said it was going to be Sunday and that I should leave my friend’s party for a while to go and see them and then get back to the party again.

She does not like her mom’s suggestion.

I don’t want to do the 2 things at once.

I know my friend has things planned and I’m excited to attend as I don’t socialize often.

My mum told me she would be the one to pick me up from my friend’s house so it would be easier for me, but I just don’t think it’s fair that I have to miss out on the party.

I argue that they can still do it on Saturday, they aren’t just planning it correctly to fit in their schedule.

She offers another suggestion.

Here we eat lunch quite late, around 3pm and when we do get togethers it ends up being even later and our family ends up leaving around 7pm.

I said that they can change the time.

Instead of our family coming at 2-3pm as always they can come at 12pm and we can start lunch at 1pm then by 5-6pm it should be over which leaves 2-3h until the play in which they have enough time to give a ride to the grandparents.

She’d rather miss seeing her family than miss part of the party.

She continues saying she doesn’t want to be stressed about time management and it’s not viable.

That they have looked at every option and it wasn’t worth it, they can only do it on Sunday.

I’m frustrated because I feel like it is possible on Saturday when everyone would be able to attend.

And if they told me “sorry we looked at all the possibilities and we can’t on Saturday it will have to be on Sunday, we will miss you.”

Then I would’ve been sad, but understood.

But no, even though they are making it the day I can’t they are still expecting me to show up.

She thinks her mom is selfish.

To sum up, I feel like my commitment is more important than theirs, not the commitment itself but the timing.

Theirs is at 8pm and mine starts at 11am and lasts the whole day, so I can’t really go around it and they can.

But my mum is calling me selfish because I can only think about my plan and not take into account theirs (mum and stepdad)

It sounds like it would be possible to move the lunch earlier on Saturday as suggested.

I think her mom should really consider that option, and not considering it IS being selfish.

Let’s see how Reddit responded to this story.

This reader thinks she should just skip the family get-together.

Another person thinks it’s inappropriate to ask everyone to change their plans.

The name calling needs to stop.

She seriously shouldn’t feel like she has to go to the family lunch.

It’s okay to go to the friend’s party and skip the family event.

I think the real issue is that her mom doesn’t want her to skip the family event.

But that doesn’t mean she has to go along with it.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.