What would you do if you had to choose between taking care of a family member with dementia or saying yes to be big job opportunity in another country?

Family might seem like the right decision, but would it make a difference if there were another family member nearby who might be able to help?

In today’s story, a woman thinks it’s time for her brother to step up and help care for their mother, but he thinks she’s wrong.

Let’s read all the details.

AITA for suggesting if my brother cannot contribute financially to our mother’s care least they can do is contribute their time?

Hey going through a situation at the moment and seeking some perspective.

I would like to prefix this with I am not seeking advice or criticism for how I wish to care for my mother or how they should have done better to save for retirement.

I am not going to go into detail but please understand not every family is always capable of saving properly for retirement.

Thank you for understanding.

Medicaid isn’t enough.

As for the situation I wish to seek judgment and prospective for.

For the last four years I have been supplementing my mother’s care.

She is 73 and has dementia.

She is on Medicaid and does get some home care services.

What Medicaid does not cover I cover myself so currently she does have 24/7 care.

The situation might change soon.

This has worked out for around 4 years now, but I was recently offered a life altering opportunity and I am strongly considering on taking it.

Our mother does live with me and my brother lives in the same state.

I spoke with my brother and asked since I know he cannot contribute financially could he contribute his time.

The brother doesn’t live that far away.

I found a wonderful higher end memory care facility located near the apartment we lived in together my mom and I.

Trying to keep her near what she remembers and stuff.

I just asked if he would be willing to maybe have lunch with mom and check in on her.

The memory care is located in Manhattan and my brother lives on Staten Island.

Her brother claims he can’t visit very often.

My brother told me does not think he can visit often enough for it to be meaningful.

I asked if our SIL could do it when the kids are in school.

I offered to cover gas and ezpass.

He told me now and that I am a jerk for pushing the issue.

I asked how am I being a jerk trying to keep mom comfortable.

Her brother thinks their mom should be her responsibility.

He asked why don’t I take her with me.

I told him how do expect our mom to handle a flight let alone move from NY to Europe?

That is when he told me I took on this role of taking care of our mom so I have to figure it out.

She realizes why her brother doesn’t want to help.

I mean I know my brother has beef with my me because I am part of the reason my parents could not save.

We had to sell our house and move three times because of issues I caused in school.

I tried to explain do it for our mom not me.

Her brother sounds heartless.

This is their mom we’re talking about.

Let’s see how Reddit responded to this story.

She has to realize she can’t count on her brother.

It doesn’t seem too much to ask for the brother to visit his mom.

This is a good question.

She just wanted to find a solution.

This reader encourages her to go to Europe.

Another person shares what her mother with dementia told her.

I feel bad for the mom that her son refuses to visit her.

And asking one person to be a sole caregiver really isn’t fair.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.