Imagine going to the grocery store to get some food to throw on the grill when another customer seems out to ruin your day and your life.

The crazy Karen in this story does just that, but she doesn’t realize the man she’s messing with is actually a police officer.

When she calls the police, it gets even more interesting.

Let’s see how the story plays out.

You’re going to call the police? Sure, I’ll wait.

Background:

I am a USMC Vet and a police officer.

Also, I am currently on admin duty because I tore my quad when I failed to properly jump a fence during a foot chase, so I am walking with a cane currently.

Cast:

Karen = Karen

AM = Awesome Manager

BC = Buddy Cop

Me = Hi, it’s me.

Now we get to the story…

The event:

I had just gotten off of my duty shift and decided that since the weather is going to be nice over my weekend, I am going to get a couple steaks, some corn and just stuff for a cook out with a couple of my buddies.

I am looking at the steaks, comparing a cuts before I put one back

. When I hear it, the mating call of the wild Karen, this is a sound that I am familiar with.

But, she can’t seriously think that I work here, I am in a plain, logo-less white polo shirt, tucked into my uniform pants (midnight blue cargo pants) and my black boots.

The workers here wear black button up shirts, khaki pants and a green apron with the store name on it.

Managers tend to wear black pants but still have the apron, but with “manager” on the name tag.

Yes, she’s that dumb that she thinks he works there.

Sure enough, it was for me.

Since I had ignored her, I earned an even more stern throat clearing directed toward me, and then a shrill “Excuse me”.

I’m a jerk, but I also think I am hilarious, this is a horrible combination when facing a Karen.

It is because of this disastrous mix of character traits that I call back to her, without a look, “Absolutely, you are excused, the bathroom is that way” with a gesture toward the sign for the restrooms, before adding “and I am sure they have something in the pharmacy if you need more than that”

He knows he was rude.

Karen: “That is no way to speak to a customer, you didn’t even ask what I needed. Now…”

Me: Interrupting her, “Look, I don’t care. I am not an employee here, I have no duty to help you. I do not look anything like a staff member here. If there is nothing else, I will be returning to my shopping.”

Yes, I know, I was rude. I am not going to make excuses for it, I have very little patience for these entitled morons.

Karen: in full banshee shriek “I WANT YOUR MANAGER, I AM GOING TO…”

The Marine in him came out.

Me: going into full knife-handing NCO Marine, bellow out “SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I AM A CUSTOMER, I DON’T WORK HERE, STOP HARASSING ME”.

The problem with going full “devil-dog” when in public, is the general public is not accustomed to the volume level a good yell from the diaphragm can produce, also the tone of voice is very hostile.

The bigger problem with going full devil-dog, is when you are using a cane to keep you standing, it becomes very easy for you to be toppled.

And this is exactly what Karen did.

Fair play, Karen, fair play.

Who is assaulting whom???

She kicked my cane out from under my hand, and I was too far forward to recover, and went down like a sack of potatoes.

She then started “hitting” me with her purse (I have been hit harder by pillows wielded by my six year old niece) and yelling about me assaulting her and needing the police.

I don’t know if it was two minutes, or thirty seconds, but it wasn’t that long, it just felt like it was a bit because I was embarrassed about how easily I went down, and how much it hurt my leg.

But it was this point that AM comes over and gets Karen off of me, and helps me up.

Karen is still acting crazy.

The whole time Karen is still screaming, until she remembered that she had her own phone and called 911, screaming things at me like “I’m calling the police, you’re in trouble now” and “I didn’t ask for you to rape me”, what?

AM looked at me as confused as I was, and I just shrugged.

AM: “Do you know what is going on?”

Me: “Yeah, she tried to get my attention, I made a glib remark, she told me to get my manager, I dressed her down, then as I was in the middle of unloading on her, I think she kicked my cane and I went down. You saw the rest”.

Karen talks to the police.

Karen: “Liar! You felt me up and then when I pushed you off of me, you hit me with that stick and if it wasn’t for the fact that I hit you with my purse, I’d be dead.”

At this time, I’m pretty sure the dispatcher had said something to her, as she said into the phone, “Yeah, he is about six foot, a large white man, in a white polo and black pants with boots, we’re at the . Yes, I think I am safe, the manager is here, but he seems to know my attacker. I think he wants to rape me too”.

No Karen No, no one wants to rape you.

AM and I exchange looks before AM asks me, “It appears she called the police, can I ask you the wait in the store?” he says to me.

Me: with a nod, “Sure, I’ll wait.”

The police have arrived.

It was only a couple of minutes before BC comes walking up, ” what is happening here, we got a call about an assault.”

The fact that I was addressed before Karen, sent her into orbit.

I could see BC’s eye just glaze over, and since I had trained BC when she joined the force, I knew this meant has already tuned the irate Karen out.

I just looked at BC and said, “Take her statement, this is the manager on duty, then review the security footage”

BC insisted on looking at the security footage.

Karen being Karen starts with the, “We don’t need the security footage. This man assaulted me, arrest him.” And she also threw this gem out, “You’re a woman, and you know him, you must know what type of a man he is. You can be honest that he probably has assaulted you too”.

BC looked over to the manager and said, “I think it would help more if I were to see that footage first”.

It was at this point that BC’s partner tells the Karen that we both, Karen and I, are suppose to stay with him, while BC goes with the manager.

The footage doesn’t lie.

Apparently, not only did the security camera catch everything in 1080p, but it also had audio.

BC returned about five minutes later, looked at her partner and then pointed to Karen. “Arrest her for assault, and making a false report”.

BC then got into Karen’s face and said, “I have been raped in the past, it is people like you that make false claims that make it so hard for us actual victims to get the help we need”.

And that was really the end of it, the AM helped me get the rest of my things for the grill out, and I got a nice 25% off coupon.

I’m glad BC watched the security footage and arrested Karen.

That’s pretty awesome that she basically called the police on herself!

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

It was great how the buddy cop shut down Karen.

Yes, I was hoping she’d find out he was a cop too.

Another Marine weighs in.

This former Air Force member can relate as well.

She messed with the wrong person.

It’s not often that happens.

If you liked that post, check out this post about a woman who tracked down a contractor who tried to vanish without a trace.