For some people, marriage is the main goal in a relationship.

Others are more chill about it, and regard trust and long term amiable cohabitation as the most important thing.

Neither is inherently right or wrong – unless your partner has a firm belief either way.

In that case, it’s important that both parties are on the same page, or at least agree to work towards the same goal.

Otherwise, it’s a profound compatibility issue.

And when the woman in this story first met her boyfriend, he absolutely agreed with her that engagement and subsequently marriage was the goal.

So it’s understandable that she’s hurt when he doesn’t deliver.

Read on to find out what the final straw was, that left her questioning his motives and their relationship altogether.

AITA for telling my boyfriend not to call me his wife?

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we live together. We are basically married.

Everyone in our lives views us as married: when it comes to invitations, everything is an “us,” nothing is a me or him.

And that’s exactly the problem.

Ever since the beginning of our relationship I have been clear I would like to be married within four to five years of dating someone, tops, meaning I would like to be engaged within two years to start wedding planning.

He was always openly on the same page.

Let’s see how this set-up started to go wrong.

For the past year he has dropped obvious hints about timeframes of when to expect a proposal – and then the time comes and goes with no proposal.

Then he does it again, but doesn’t propose.

He has told me he’s looked at rings, he has told me he’s made proposal plans, he has told me that it will happen by X date, then that day comes and goes with again no proposal.

It’s not a financial thing, as we both make a considerable amount of money at our jobs.

And it’s not a commitment thing, since whether we’re married or not we have financial documents that are just as much of a pain to get out of as divorce would be.

I genuinely cannot understand why it has not happened yet and why he keeps falsely promising to make it happen in a certain timeframe (something that has happened four or five times in the past year) other than he’s too comfortable.

This pattern started to really get to her.

Here’s where I might be in the wrong.

Lately we’ve been to too many friends weddings to count, and seen so many people get engaged who have been together for around the same time as we have – if not less – and I’ve called him on it every time.

I see a post and I tell him so and so got engaged and it hurts that their man will propose to them but he won’t propose to me.

We go to a wedding and I tell him it hurts that he says he wants to marry me but won’t take one crucial step towards it.

We walk by a jewelry store and I tell him it sure would be nice to have a ring (I’m not talking thousands of dollars here, I’ve told him any stone would work as long as it’s durable).

I make comments all the time about how I thought we’d be engaged by now, and about how I’m hurt that he keeps getting my hopes up for nothing.

Read on to find out how he’s responding to her comments.

He always excuses it with something stupid like blaming it on money (again, not an issue) or saying it’ll happen when it happens, or he’ll say our families stress him out by asking when he’ll do it so he hasn’t because of them.

The main one is “Why is it so important? We’re already basically married,” even though I’ve explained to him numerous times why it’s important to me.

Yesterday it all blew up because he introduced me as his wife (he normally does) and I told his new coworker “no, I’m his girlfriend.”

But he couldn’t handle her putting her foot down.

He flipped out on the drive home because I embarrassed him, and asked why I had to tell his coworker that.

I said: “because I’m not your wife, if you want to tell people that I’m your wife then you’ll make me your wife. You don’t get the privilege of calling me your wife without the effort of making me your wife. You’re just my boyfriend until there’s a ring on my finger and a signed marriage license.”

Now he’s hurt that I called him ‘just my boyfriend’.

He’s also hurt that I don’t view us as married.

AITA?

Sure they live like they’re married, and her demands might seem picky to some.

But she made her boundaries and expectations quite clear from the very beginning of their relationship.

Let’s see what Reddit thought about this.

This person gave the woman a harsh reality check.

But some people empathized with the pressure on men.

While others thought that an honest and clear conversation was in order.

It’s not the fact that he hasn’t proposed that is really the issue here.

It’s all the broken promises, the failure to deliver, and the mislabelling of her as his wife when he refuses to take any steps toward her being so.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.