When you have an aging parent who can’t live on their own, it can be a blessing to let them live with you.

What would you do, however, if your mother was very toxic and you weren’t in a position to help her?

That is the situation the daughter in this story is in, and even though friends are trying to guilt her into moving mom in, she wants to refuse but she feels bad.

Check out the details for all of the drama,

AITA for not allowing my estranged, disabled mom to move in with me?

My (38F) mom (64F) have a very estranged relationship stemming mostly from her treatment of me as a child/teen, and her continued treatment of me into adulthood.

I’ve seen her two times in 18 years — it has been 10 since I saw her last for a family funeral — and she was not at my wedding in 2013.

This is sad, but speaks to their relationship.

She also has not met any of my four children, born in 2016, 2019, 2021, and 2024, who she outright says she loves more than me.

She ignores me most of the time, specifically when I’m pregnant and newly postpartum.

And unless she needs me for something whether it be money, help with legal matters, help with filling out paperwork, researching healthcare stuff, etc.

Over the past two years, my mom who was already on SSDI for spinal stenosis and had a hard time standing and walking, has become fully dependent on a wheelchair.

She cannot transfer, cannot stand up at all or for any length of time, and has gone to the hospital and ended up in rehabilitation at least two times.

Mom definitely needs help caring for herself.

She eats infrequently, has trouble sleeping, and is obviously depressed.

She relies on SSDI and alimony from my father to pay rent and bills, and is barely scraping by.

It’s clear to me that my mom cannot live alone anymore, but she can’t afford to go to a nursing home, and doesn’t want to be in one because of “all the old people.”

Her friends have reached out to me on Facebook and by phone to ask if I will move my mom from Florida into my home in the PNW.

With four children, a disabled husband, and only enough room for us as it is, plus with my estranged relationship with my mom, I really don’t feel like I’m the best option.

I do have a brother (unmarried, live-in GF, no kids) who lives on the same coast, but he lives in a walk up apartment and can barely make ends meet.

He has no obligation to move her in either.

There is absolutely no way he can care for my aging, disabled mother instrumentally or financially.

Without going into detail or throwing my mom under the bus, I’ve told her friends that I don’t think it’s possible, but they are adamant that I’m a bad child for abandoning my mom over “minor” issues, and say family can work through everything.

They tell me these things should never separate a mother and a daughter.

I disagree to an extent.

I feel horrible for my mom.

I do not wish her ill.

She deserves to eat, to be cared for, to have a place to live.

She deserves support.

But she does not inherently deserve those things from me when she is narcissistic, toxic, and sometimes downright cruel.

I feel like it’ll be my fault if she ends up homeless or something, but I also kind of feel like she made her bed, and it’s unfortunate she has to lie in it.

The relationship should be fixed first or it will only get worse.

Our relationship will not improve if she moves in with me, she will just have easier access to be cruel.

Or maybe that’s just an excuse?

I don’t know and don’t trust my judgment.

This is a very difficult situation.

I’m wracked with guilt and questions, I really don’t know what to do.

My gut says not to allow her to move in with me, but I don’t want to be an AH.

AITA if I don’t have my mom move in with me?

No, if it isn’t right to move her in, don’t do it.

Let her move into a Medicare facility to be cared for.

Read on to see what the people in the comments say about this difficult situation.

Exactly, people need to mind their own business.

Even if their relationship was great, this would be difficult.

Yup, start blocking these people.

This person says the friends need to back off.

This commenter points out that there are agencies to help.

It is time for mom to get on Medicare.

This woman is not obligated at all.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.